As we celebrate our 100th episode, we take a deep breath and look back at the winding road that brought us here. We've explored the nuances of language translation, unlocked the secrets behind skill acquisition, and navigated the labyrinth of self-discovery. We've also shed light on the power of perception and our intricate relationship with cycles in our lives. Can you imagine how our journey has shaped us, and how it might shape you?
As we celebrate our 100th episode, we take a deep breath and look back at the winding road that brought us here. We've explored the nuances of language translation, unlocked the secrets behind skill acquisition, and navigated the labyrinth of self-discovery. We've also shed light on the power of perception and our intricate relationship with cycles in our lives. Can you imagine how our journey has shaped us, and how it might shape you?
Welcome to the driftwood podcast. I'm Daniel the wizard and, yeah, we're gonna talk about some shit. We got James Perceval here again. This is episode 100. I just want to point that out. I said last time you guys wait, you guys wait, come check it out 100. We got something special. What we about to see, it's Cn. It's Cn.
:Cn yeah for 100 oh yeah, I just want I just want you guys to know.
:James is armed with the computer and Google right at his hands, so he will fact check himself.
Speaker 2:I knew it was gonna be Cn. I was just. I didn't want to do Spanish, I wanted to do something else like a different language, like German, french, french friends, let's go German, I'll go.
:German, german episode 100. Just yeah, 100. Hit the oh, you can't hear, it's unhindered, and I'm in hunt and hundred.
:I'm feeling it's gonna be nine, but it's not nine, that's.
Speaker 2:It's like what?
:nine, nine what about in Hebrew?
Speaker 2:oh, geez, I don't know. Let's say, oh, there's a hole, my god, there's a whole list of about Persian.
:I can't even read that, bro. It's like squiggly lines like Portuguese sim. Well, we're assuming that it makes the scene, or?
Speaker 2:maybe it's Jim, that's not Jim.
:It would have an accent mark. I don't know bro. Why are we talking about language? We are not. It's not language.
Speaker 2:It's, it's, it's, it's a translation translation translation. Yeah, well, you just had some, you said some flashbacks company.
:So so type in episode 100. Episode 100 in Spanish French it's pretty close to the same.
Speaker 2:Oh, really, oh gosh translation.
:Translation let's see what it says.
:This is really how we're starting this episode.
Speaker 2:It says translation Okay, here we go episode 100 episode Episode I was trying to type it in French. Episode in French French let's go to French.
:Let's French.
Speaker 2:It is every episode.
:That's Italian man.
Speaker 2:I don't know where you got that Episode 100. It's a me, mario.
:Episode.
Speaker 2:Episodio no it's 100.
:Episode 100 Episode 100.
Speaker 2:Except it says 100 anyway.
:Yeah, but you still have to say 100 in the Spanish way you do, but Translated.
Speaker 2:Because numbers are, but uno set of service, just one.
:Not that I didn't say that numbers yeah 100, the same as if you were to say like a street address.
Speaker 2:You know, the thing is, is we typically Butcher the language we, we we yes, who's we? What now means? Yes, french we.
:Do so you can't just be switching up language on me, because we in Spanish is different than we in English we?
Speaker 2:in Spanish there is no we, that's no, no, so trust.
:No, so through us so to the Somos.
Speaker 2:Pretty sure that's what it is. I'm a fact check myself right now In Spanish. Look at that shit man. No so to us or no so to us, depends on your context, what you're talking about.
:Mmm, yeah, mmm.
Speaker 2:It's too complicated to the masculine or feminine man. It's nothing else, let's just go there. Is there like a universal, when it's universally speak they right, they them no, I think if we're talking about like Spanish I think it is, if I remember correctly please don't check me on this I'm pretty sure it's more feminine. So when you, for example, when you say como estas, hello, are you hold on? No, that's a whole different point I was gonna make because, like when you're talking to an elderly Hispanic lady, you say como estas ustedes.
:Mmm, that's more proper.
Speaker 2:I think so. It's a proper part of it, but but I think most words in Spanish have more of an effeminate ending, so Maestra or Maestro will like Nina, you know, yeah, male child, female child right.
:So, but when you're talking about Children in general, what would be the pluralization? Would it be?
Speaker 2:my question is why did you say male child or female child? Why did you say boy or girl?
:Because I'm given the trans. The trans, what the translation? Wow, this is a, this is a all right, so some things have been going on. Yeah yeah, episode 100, dude, I didn't. I'm gonna be honest with let me. Let me sit with this for a second, because I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't. I Never had a plan to get to episode 100. Seeing the sea that they call it so see into the con es so me sit with it that might be the new shirt.
Speaker 2:You know what I might do? I just might type in everything. I'm gonna respond to you. We're gonna be multicultural today.
:Well, listen, listen, man, if I'm, and then I didn't have a plan to make it a hundred episodes, I didn't have a plan to. I don't want to say that to the point of Sometimes just doing is enough to get started. You don't have to have a plan to get to a hundred episodes.
Speaker 2:I agree.
:I agree, I gotta start doing it, you do and then you get to a hundred episodes and you realize, damn, I have a plan.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna try to find some real quick. Keep talking, you know what my plan actually was.
:My plan was to talk to people and it's gone all according to plan, right? So, man, this is doing this podcast. Shit is it's put me in a, it's put me in a different, a Different way of living life, right, because now I'm seeking conversation as opposed to, like I don't know, just existing, I guess would be the best way to say it.
:Mm-hmm.
:I think before I would probably sit and look for conversation, but I was really scared to talk about things you're waiting for something instead of pursuing it. Yeah, yeah, just so, yeah, no one waits for happiness.
Speaker 2:You got to pursue it Right. Just wait, listen. One day the perfect one will come to your door. Right the push, they will be there, or you're just like fuck that, I'm not waiting because they're never going. The perfect one never comes to the door.
:The thing is, when you go out and you gain experience, just in general, you now know better what you need. Like that's yeah and if you don't go, have that experience, nothing just shows up to your doorstep because of the way that you're viewing life.
Speaker 2:Unless it's something you intention to order.
:I mean.
Speaker 2:That's fair.
:That requires intent fair, but you know prostitution's illegal.
Speaker 2:I wasn't talking about women dude. I'm just saying I'm not like, but everything look all.
:First off, how can we order fast food but not a prostitute like come on man.
Speaker 2:You actually well, you actually can. In some places they're called called girls.
:Yeah, there's no ask. There's there an ass for that? There might be an app for that. Probably is an app for that subway.
Speaker 2:There's something, not subway, that's something I'm gonna say. That Disclaimer gotta edit that out.
:I'm not editing and shit. Look, that's the mistake anyone makes if they come on this podcast. There's so it's funny that you were Jeffery is the only one that has ever received the benefit of editing. Well, that's because I cut the last two hours off.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry.
:Joffrey brother, jeff so.
Speaker 2:I was on Broadway Avenue in Tyler when you, when I talked to you on the phone After your first three episodes and told you know what I told you regarding Because you asked me specifically, like, are you asked me? You actually were telling me. You know exactly what you were trying to do or accomplish Really, just want to have conversations. And there was a number I gave you. I gave you a specific number of Episodes that you had to record.
Speaker 2:In the effort to just create the habit I Don't need. It was like 30 or something. I was like once you get to episode 30, you've already got the habit set in. And if you go back and you just listen, man, not to, not to beat a dead horse over again, but around 20 ish, maybe a few, but maybe in the teens, high teens, that's when you guys started taking flight Mm-hmm, at least for something.
:Well, there started to be some structure, like there started to be some shape to the conversations, as opposed to Like just wildly out there.
Speaker 2:Let me say that again because I want to make sure you're clear there is value in everything that you've done, whether that's humor, confusion, yeah, and there's value in those things.
:Well, also some like me and David. We would feel like, damn, we've had a bunch of heavy episodes in a row. We need to just, yeah, lighten it the fuck up, yeah, and then like we would have like an episode your lighter episode was Aliens are coming and you're all gonna die.
Speaker 2:That was the light episode. It's like oh, I mean we talked a lot about warfare. This last one, let's talk about aliens.
:And it was, it was humorous conversation what if we're gonna die?
Speaker 2:I?
:remember, I remember we did a episode for National Absurdity Day. Mm-hmm and we literally, with the whole episode was just baselessly Accusing people. We found online of shit, yeah, starting with, like I think, a Kyle written house story or something like that, collin boys or something shit, some shit like that, like we twisted some shit together and there was wildly baseless accusations yeah and then we went on this investigation to figure out what Tyler and the boys were actually up to and I don't think we ever got to the bottom.
:You to listen that episode again, cuz that shit was wild. Yeah like we literally would just get online in the first words it would come up. We went to some Wikipedia pages I like, like I feel like there's a lot of we were making a mockery, I guess of episodes that like, of shows that do that shit right yeah and so, whenever we were going through the thing, we were just going online and just literally taking the loosest Bit of information and connecting it together.
:Yeah and I feel like some of these it's like click baity, like a lot of people kind of so I think we did it in mockery of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but I'm intent behind it, but it was just.
:I don't know, it was just, it was fun. It was fun to just not really care. Yeah and I think a lot of the episodes that we have done, there's really not been a whole lot of Care of how it's perceived until it's released right, right.
:So in the episode recording.
:There's never really that. Oh, I hope people take this well. Yeah but after the conversation, like fuck, I don't even remember everything I said, yeah, I hope, I hope that it's not like how about I didn't say some shit to the like in like things that I've thought about, that Maybe I don't believe, but I said out loud, you know I'm saying like that type of shit.
:Yeah, just in conversation, oh but when you have to like, I think when you operate that way in life, you like protect yourself like you're looking around seeing who's there. Yeah, you can protect what you're gonna say.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:First off, why you gonna say some bad shit. You got to look around your shoulders, for is it because of how they perceive it, or is it because you think it might be kind of rude? Maybe?
Speaker 2:Maybe. But I mean, I guess that comes into it's how you've received it, I guess. But I don't know, man, I I don't have that problem.
:I.
Speaker 2:Don't think I do anyway.
:Maybe I don't know. I wouldn't say you do, but I don't really that also comes at a cost sometimes.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I would probably hold a standing record and I don't mean to be no, because there's a lot of guys out there that are very open and intentional about things they say, but that comes with a cost, right there painted in a certain picture, or they're demonetized or they're completely ghosted or cancelled or Whatever. But you know, hey, as long as you stand up for your values, yeah, I think.
:I think the I think the trick, I think the trick to learn, or that would be valuable, is Saying it in plain sight, right, saying it without that whole like what the fuck did you say? Yeah right being able to say it, and then they walk away. They're like wait. What did he say? Yeah like that's the. I think that's the trick. Right, that's the, because you, you want to affect them, sure, but you don't want to put them on defense.
Speaker 2:Well, the interesting thing is, man is like we have this Notion to believe that conversations have to include only factual information, or you know that somebody always knows exactly where it's on. That's, that's the environment to throw those things out there.
:That's so like yeah, that's like scholar, like you're scholarly, like the thing is some. I'm, from my experience, sometimes the most wildest shit. Give me the answer to something so practical. It's like yeah, it's clearly not way out there, but there was something in that way out there. Oh shit, that makes sense. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird kind of like how we did that absurdity episode where we just loosely Like sometimes you can find a string of something that makes sense. I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't have to know where it's going. Yeah, it's training grounds, man. That's how you get better. That's where scholars come from. Guarantee Sakurthi says some stupid shit this day. Guarantee it. Yeah probably like wire boobs, good right. So he was always asking questions and it was like why do you, why would you is?
:we hear about his good questions, right, but what? Never hear about all the ones that he got to get to the good questions.
:Yeah.
:I've asked a lot of questions. There's some pretty bad ones.
Speaker 2:Yes, the.
:Thing is, without those bad questions, you don't come up with the better questions. I agree right, because then you get an answer. You get a bad answer. That was a bad question. Yeah, it was a bad question, not a bad. It wasn't a bad answer. It was a bad question and so Asked a different question. So I think, science goes that way a little bit too. It's like what does?
:when you theorize something, you're like oh, like I wasn't asking the right question, or maybe, maybe I'm stretching here, but as far as like the components of what's there, because that's how you accidentally discover shit. Right, yeah, you weren't asking the right question, oh, but this is the result that happens, okay, so let me ask a different question now. What can I do with this?
Speaker 2:Well, that's why they call it a hypothesis, best guess, educated guests, also doctors, only practice Mm-hmm, so I call it medical practice. Yeah there's a reason for that. There's no medical perfection. That's correct If there were.
:I mean first I mean not in the physical world. Let me be very clear there's no medical perfection in the physical, in the physical world that we're in right now.
Speaker 2:What I'm saying is there's it's a liability to claim that it's not a practice. Right, because there are things, there are so many variables to consider, right? Same concept of conversation.
:Wouldn't construction be a practice to?
Speaker 2:probably.
:Probably because the game day, the game days when you do the action right. But if you're not like practice and put in wood together in between game days, bro, that is the practice. I agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a little cooking and things like that. I agree with that 100% it's. You're getting stripes. It's like the oh, what is it? 10,000 hours for mastery, is that what they call it? Yeah hours to project managers or whatever.
:Yeah, it's just a 10,000 hours. Like what is it to perfect something or whatever to mastery?
Speaker 2:I wouldn't even say that you can perfect your master.
:I don't even agree with that wholeheartedly, but the idea and the concept. It offers something valuable there, because there are things that that art it is true with you. Know, if you, if you come out like Some people, have a propensity or the ability to to do things Faster than others, right, sure, but that doesn't mean that they're necessarily more skilled or better at it. It just means that they have a different understanding of what that thing is with the way that they perceive things. Yeah, so it's an easier thing for them to overcome the challenge of being able to do that right.
:It's only because of like Some starting point that they have like their, their situation there, right.
:Mm-hmm and then, like I was talking to you about earlier, with, like, having played guitar, it's like only recently do I feel like it's actually easier to play guitar, whereas before, even all my years, it was kind of like a challenge. Not that I wasn't good or okay or anything like that, it was just a challenge to play. But now I'm finding a lot of fun in it, right, it's like it's really just a joyful expression as opposed to something I'm trying to get better at, right. But when you're trying to get better at something, when you have intention with it, yeah, if you're like I'm trying to get better at this, you have to challenge yourself, right. But the thing is, fun is also challenging. So if you can challenge things in a fun way, right. So it's like not necessarily the ten thousand hours, I think it's how engaged with what you're doing you are based upon your predisposed thoughts, your thought pattern, like there's a whole lot of things to consider.
:Yeah but Skill is something that's learned, but some people have a different level of that skill.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, cuz. So they're like this. So the hours, the ten thousand hours thing is kind of I. My opinion, when it matters is just a Matter of fact by the time you get to where this elevates you to. So, for example, take black belts in any martial art. Okay, if there was, if this was not what we're talking about, it's not such a thing then no black belt could be another black belt in anything right, it would be the same skill level, skill cap. But you know, what's interesting is that where the time comes into play is like, you know, if you think in like jiu-jitsu, it's one of the Gracie family, it's. I don't even know if the belt looks like a black belt with red stripes, but nobody has sunk as much time as this specific individual. So it's not to say that somebody can't surpass that specific rank he has, but it obviously presents a skill set and it signifies how much time was sent into that.
:Here's the best part about this whole thing, because he did the groundwork.
:Yeah, it makes it.
:It makes it. It makes it Possible for all of the other people to learn, yeah, that process without having to go through the head beatings. Right, you don't have to fight to get there because somebody knows and they can show you. I already went through the shit to learn it. Let me just show you the things to consider. Let me show you the things to look for and then you use your capability to figure that out.
Speaker 2:The interesting thing is without disrespecting this completely, because I have a lot of respect for the Gracie family and I don't want this to show any sort of disrespect but one could make the case that somebody can actually make something of their lives and Teach others how to do so while they're on their backs and their legs are open. I'm just saying, just look, I want to think about Okay, like because there's.
:There's a lot that goes into that. There's a lot of abuse that goes into that too.
Speaker 2:Possibly we're talking about different sports now.
:It just depends on the way you perceive it there there there? Yeah, I don't know. So, like the ground doing doing all the groundwork, it makes the like. Once you Understand something, you're like oh, let me teach this understanding to these other people. That solidifies that understanding for the person.
:That learned it yeah right.
:So then somebody teaches you that. So to say, gracie teaches a certain like when obviously he does sure right has. That's why there's so many things is how it carries on right. So then somebody takes that skill. Mm-hmm, they get their black belt. Now they're showing other people those things, but they're learning also because different people come from different backgrounds, different understandings, different teachers, different Whole different thing, right. And so if you understand what the objective is, there's different modalities to achieve that sure objective. And I think I've never done a jiu-jitsu class or anything like that, but I imagine and hearing people talk about it, that it is a problem that needs to be solved and it can only be solved based upon what your capabilities are. Yeah, because, but if you don't know yourself or what you're capable of, you don't know where your spots are. We're where, we're where to look. Yeah, I don't know how this ties together with doing the work and training.
Speaker 2:Well, actually it ties in very well. So to go full circle which remind me I want to talk to you about full circle in a second to, because I've got a thought on that, but anyway, so going back full circle into what we're saying earlier, is that you put someone so many episodes out. You've built the competence, at least by consistency.
:Yeah right.
Speaker 2:So you know we talk about this in the ICL the time, about having people like you lack confidence so you're not gonna do anything. It's not confidence, it's courage. Like courage will inevitably, I think, a lot use some confidence and being competent and courageous enough to do something, you're gonna gain competence out of it too by consistently doing that thing, you should I mean you? Should.
:The mass is there for you right, the math is there, you have the opportunity. All right, the opportunity is there just by consistently correct. And so I guess to To add on that is like so the hundred episodes or whatever that's happened, the people that I've talked to just sit here? I don't. This is probably the easiest thing that I do.
:Yeah but it's not because it's not hard, yeah, cuz some of the shit's kind of actually hard, like setting it up, like having to do things, but then also the thing that I'm not good at, it's putting it out there, right? So that's what I'm trying to get better at. So the conversation again it's a step-by-step process in my mind, because I was really focused on Trying to figure out how to have these conversations.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:I'm really trying to figure out the ins and outs and I don't know a lot, but I know enough.
Speaker 2:But what part about putting it out there, do you not know?
:well that it was the shame that I would feel like I you know the judgment that I would, honestly, that I would put on myself like that I would perceive others may so you're talking about somebody else Listening to your podcast and be like what a fucking joke. Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah, maybe it's the imposter syndrome or whatever, but I think for me it was just like I Know that I didn't intend anything negative right and so I didn't want to accidentally this is my childhood coming back I didn't want to accidentally hurt somebody.
:Yeah, because of my stupid choices. Yeah, so my choose choice to say something much would like I don't want to hurt people with those things. So I was very like hesitant because I don't want it to be received. But I realized I'm a person that says and does shit. So that's why I was hesitant, like certain things is because I think the people that knew who I was and how I was would call Bullshit on that and I didn't.
:I didn't really want to deal with that. Honestly, I was scared to deal with that. Because am I? Yeah but I think I hid from it and just tried to do the work. I wasn't trying to bring attention so much so that I was doing it, but I just wanted to keep trying to do it, keep putting the effort in. I wasn't trying to show it to people, I wanted to get good at something. This is why I call myself the wizard in some regard.
:Yeah it's because I just Keep doing it and then all of a sudden I understand I know how to do something and the thing is, I don't show people that I'm doing it. I didn't go around telling everybody that I was doing this, that or another in any point in my life. Yeah, but somehow I was able to show them oh, I can do. There's like you can do that. It's like, oh, yeah, but the thing is, it's like I get obsessed with things and I secretly like well, may not be obsession, right?
Speaker 2:so if you think about this, as simply as you can think about it, like so you're you're, you're concerning yourself with, or you were concerning yourself with, somebody taking something the wrong way and hurt you know being hurt by that. Personally, my belief is that it's just a manifestation of how you do things. Oh yeah, of course so you're basically living that into somebody else.
:Yeah, it was definitely a base of my childhood, my perception of life based on how I like Going through childhood and like always being accused of hurting someone because of what actions right like? So you, that gets embedded in my mind right and so like I operate everything it's like because I know in my heart I'm a person that cares.
:Yeah nice person.
:Yeah, but I'm person also that gets taken advantage Of, gets stepped on. I'm a person like, and so I guess I'm protecting against having to deal with the getting stepped on. Well, sure, like, and it's a fear-based thing for sure, and it's definitely completely fabricated. It's not something that exists in a true reality, it's something that exists in my mind.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, it's not. How do you turn that into out of a fear, into something else, like how, like let's, let's call it like Acceptance or whatever you want to call it like, how do you turn it out of a fear?
:The very first thing you have to do is notice that you are actually scared of it. Okay, you have to be like Damn, what's this why?
:like? Because you, you know on a practical level, yeah, why I? Just there's no reason I should actually be scared of this. Once you've confronted like, oh, I'm scared of this, there's no practical reason, right, to be scared, right? But then you still try to do it and it's like, but I still can't, yeah, there's still a fear there, right, but you're not. I would say that at that point you need to keep Digging because you haven't actually identified what the fear is sure right, you've just identified that it's there or maybe or the let's.
Speaker 2:Let's think about this in different terms. Maybe you have identified the fear in, and similar, similar case would be you want to play football so bad but you know you're gonna get hit.
:You know there's physical there's an acceptance of that and, but the thing is, you still fear.
Speaker 2:It right and and I would argue just until you Don't, yeah right.
:So it's always that is definitely the intimidating thing at first is like well, sure the, the physical pain.
Speaker 2:Same thing would you get See okay and I don't know very much outside of what I know, but there is an option, an opportunity that you might break a finger, you might get ribs broke, but it's also a hesitancy for me.
Speaker 2:It's because also up to you, because they'll tell you Tap early and tap fast, but don't be a hero, right? So this is where I loved you, just to becomes this ego game, right? So it's thing of you will be humbled one way or the other, on your own accord or by somebody else's, but you will get humbled. Right now, the thing is is even let's go back to the football thing. So, yeah, that is a reality in the game of football. It is a physical contact sport. If you're worried about getting hit, okay, either make the choice that you're not going to play or Face it or be elusive Very fast, right?
Speaker 2:so then you train to be very fast now. Even that that draws the attention. There's players.
:There's players that seek the hit they're looking for that. But then there's other players that avoid it. Like yeah, it's like again, within that you determine what type of player you want. Like sure, I can take this amount of punishment. Yeah, to avoid these things. I love this thing so much, yeah, but for me to be able to do this, I cannot take that hit and then on the counter is like, okay, I love this so much and it hurts like fucking hell.
:But man, when I when that, when it happens the contact and all that stuff, yeah, and so it's like you don't, it's the pain. You're not looking, the pains whatever. It's the result of the pain that you're looking for at that point it's just like I'm a smoke. Somebody, let let somebody come across. Yeah, I'm a smoke.
:Yeah and this is like the relief of that pain isn't even known, because there's so much You're not even thinking about the pain anymore. It's just like this is part of the course. Yeah, right, and then sometimes part of the course means that you work on an injury, you, you work around an injury.
:Yeah right, because that's part of what you are doing. Yeah, and if you've committed to that and the injuries received, you have an obligation to still fulfill as best you can. Right, you can't just stop. Sure, and that's, I mean, the football thing we were talking about, dion Sanders earlier in the. Colorado football team like there's a mental toughness. It's way more important than the physical toughness. But here's the thing Physical way is how the physical shit is how you can to get Determine how mentally tough you actually are of course a good measure.
:Yeah, for like, what the fuck can you actually put up with?
Speaker 2:Well, it's a good opponent.
:I mean that's one of the things yourself you have to go through your mind versus your body.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the see, the thing is, it's interesting because you could take the same concept and say you know, one of these days I might want to start a podcast. Okay, but the thing is, I want to be very careful and I want to hurt somebody.
:All right.
Speaker 2:So I'm gonna be cool, I'm gonna say what I can say, so it's ease into it. Yeah, I'm ease into it. I'm just gonna look at the football field and be like I'm my, I'm just gonna see how. I'm just gonna be a trainer and squirt water, yeah or I'll just be like a reserve kicker or something like that, because nobody kills the kicker. You know you're not supposed to, but when you do you.
:Have you ever seen? What is it? Varsity blue. Yes dude, you got the backup quarterback coming in now. China.
:Johnny mocks, johnny mocks. Yeah, I don't know.
:So, like with the, the physical, the physical thing, like with jujitsu and shit like that, and then these other things, I think it's a good measure. It's it Well? Not a measure? Yeah, it is a measure to see for yourself what you can withstand but here's the thing, yeah your belief in yourself, your body, your capabilities or whatever, gets better as you progress, as you put it through more things. But if you don't put it through things, if you don't put it through, yeah and survive it.
:Yeah, you don't know, yeah, but you can. It's like thinking you can get into a fight and win, versus Like getting into scuffles all the time and really knowing like how you can hurt somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So without courage you cannot build confidence, you cannot build competence. Right now funny thing is I'm gonna call you out because you know one can see your face. You're a perfect face for radio. That when I said what I said about the podcast thing, his face got real cringy. He was like okay, shut up, I get it shut up. I wanted I wanted you, you got it. You got to acknowledge those things because you're.
:No, you're not wrong. It's hard, I think, as an observer of your own life, to acknowledge things because you don't want them to how dare you?
Speaker 2:Who told you to be an observer of your own life? Nobody you're the conservator. You're the curator, not the observer. That's where you get in the weeds, my friend, when you start getting out of body experiences and looking at you like man. I probably should do something different. My hair and Mike Luke.
:Yeah, I don't care about another. That's good, I know, I understand.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying guys, the more, the more out of body experience you have, the less time you actually have to spend in body and doing the Things that you claim that you want to do well, fair, I don't.
:I'm not gonna argue against that cuz I don't disagree with you, but in the sense of the body and God, the body's the body.
:The body is a tool, right, right, the body is a tool for lessons. You know that the body teaches the mind lessons the body teaches, All right, and so even this thing, like going through and doing the podcast, just doing the work of doing it, right, look, if my goal was to be popular and famous, I definitely wasn't acting that way. I was definitely wasn't doing the things. So, if I'm being honest with myself, what was my goal? Right, right, my goal. The reason why I couldn't give a sustained goal? Because I think I knew what my goal was and I was doing it, but I didn't know how to put it into words. Right, I knew that I was having to do the work, I knew that something turns into something, but for some reason I still got to keep doing the fucking work.
:Yes right and this is, this is what I would say that's helped me on my path to with, like my, my relationship with God. It's like when you start having these life questions, you start facing these things and these people have these different Ideologies about how to deal with, like the ego or yeah how to deal with this or that or another right and you start running across these like Nobody fucking actually knows.
:Yeah you know. And then it's like, well, if nobody actually knows, I have, but everybody seems to have a little piece of the truth ever. It's like these things that they say, it's like something there was true, yeah now the whole arching ideology, not, but there was a piece that was yeah, right, and so out of a lot of these conversations that I've had with different people, recorded and not it's like all of those little pieces, like when the fuck did those pieces come from? Because there's an ounce of truth in all of it.
:Yeah right, but where is that truth coming from? These conversations, shit, it's like so. Then you have to start asking like, okay, well, if there is something continuous, what's the source of that right? Well, then you start understanding, you start, I started questioning, like Well, everybody says God, or everybody says a law, or everybody says whatever they say to represent a higher power, yeah, and. And then some of their teachings and things like that. There's an ounce of truth there, an ounce sure. And what was that? So I had to start asking Honestly just the world, the universe, what it? Just the ether, if you will yeah it's like wise, what is this?
:like what? And then it's the weirdest fucking thing is like you start getting Access to books, you start getting access to people, you start getting things start showing up to make those things, just like you're not even asking them, those fucking thoughts. You're just like oh, oh, yeah, oh, like it's this whole thing. It's like and a lot of it has to do with like Me, like the surrender we talked about surrender but me making the choice of letting the answers come to me, if you will sure, or Going in like Forcefully trying to find it. Me trying to gain knowledge, only to then learn yeah in the end that the knowledge was just a piece.
Speaker 2:Well, but the funny thing is about that is I think it's the latter, I think it's that you're getting to the point where you're seeking those things out, which tells you one and two things. One the knowledge has always been there, right? You just finding it in a season. You need to find it yet.
Speaker 2:Yeah and two, it's all dependent upon how close it is to home with you, okay, meaning you are the vessel, right, you are the person, you're the pawn that the whatever you want to call it that has to be incorporated, or else it's just pieces. So the closer you're involved with it, the more pieces come together, right, instead of being a box of a jigsaw puzzle of a thousand pieces. Unfortunately, we are just a piece, right, but you are a part of something bigger. You know what I mean, and I think we're we're me where I get stuck in the weeds or I get kind of slowed down or I get Dejected or disheartened or discouraged, whatever is. When I start that out-of-body shit, when I'm just like man, okay. So I wonder what this looks like and why this is here. What could this be? And this? That's why I get so frustrated, right. It's why, especially at the beginning of our, of our, coming back together moments, it was like you guys drive me fucking crazy, like yard all this. I wonder what the if the water being not wet, is Drowning, talking about right, like it's sometimes. And look, I have opportunity to grow in that area where I can see more of a 10,000, a 30,000 foot view, but I also have work to do on the ground, right, right, and I think, the more that I am around people like yourself and reading books and the groups that I'm in and at least the willpower to have that knowledge, those things come in play.
Speaker 2:Because here's another thing I heard somebody said something the other day and this is so. It's kind of off topic, but it's not. It comes back. So there's a song called the parting glass. The parting glass is a it's like a farewell song. I dare say Irish. I think it's Irish, it's a farewell tune. That's basically memory in memory of the person who's passing. And inside this I'm gonna pull this up. Well, I want to make sure that the lyric. I say this correctly, but there's something pretty interesting.
Speaker 2:Oh, you got a computer, we can pull up lyrics now Fuck, you do All right, there is a lyric in here that struck, struck me pretty hard when I read it and heard it.
:Actually, and what's the name of the song?
Speaker 2:It's called the parting glass. Okay, I here, it is right here and say so. It basically starts. It says of all the money that air I had, I Spent it in good company, and all the harm that I ever did, alas, I, it was to none but me, and this is the line right here. And all I've done, for want of wit to memory Now, I can't recall.
:I'm gonna tell you that, I'm gonna look. I saw my read that of all the money that air I spent, I spent in good company. And of all the harm that air I did, alice, it was to none but me. So basically All of the money that I had spent, I spent it around and with good people, right. And then the harm that I did I only did to myself, right. So any time that I harmed someone I harmed myself. Yeah, and all that I've done for want of wit to memory, now I can't recall all the things you wanted to know now you can't fucking remember, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a glimpse. Life is a glimpse, it's a journey. Yes, awesome. And yes, knowledge does help us, wisdom helps us.
:It helps us until it's like a bullet bar, though Correct.
Speaker 2:Yeah, correct. So to what extent are you after the knowledge, right? This is why this is this. This line to me humbles me in the regard that Sometimes just enjoying what you have is worth it, worth more than trying to seek these things that we will never understand.
:Yeah, I was having a conversation and was Cheyenne, my wife, about memories. Like I was like. I asked her if I was like what's the, what's the point of memories? Like To me, I'm gonna tell you that my thoughts recently is like memories anchor. I'm not saying it's good or bad, yeah, I'm not saying it's, it's neither but memories anchor and as we hold on to those memories, we're anchoring something, we're holding on to something, yeah, and we say that it's to keep them alive, the remembrance of them and all Like we say these things.
:Yeah.
:That's not what it is, though, yeah, it's selfish, it's. We're hanging on to the pain that that thing causes. We're hanging on to Because if these were good, positive memories, these were things. If you looked at the good memories, the good shit, all that stuff right, your life is fulfilled, right, but the thing is the seeking of all the things that are missing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:It's a reminder of what's missing and not a reminder of what was there. And so the memory, the the memories that we, that we hold on to, are often not great Right, or they're often a time in memory where we felt like we were better than we are now. But that's never true. That's never true. We were never better than we are now. Our circumstances were different.
Speaker 2:Here's something I never thought I would actually say. But so when I did my buddy Matt's funeral, I did his eulogy and the oldest picture I could find was our graduation year, which is 2002. But I realized we didn't have phones like that, like we do now. It's crazy man to think about that because when we went through sorting through photos man, we found Polaroid pictures. We found little Kodak camera pictures, nothing digital.
Speaker 2:But nothing digital. So me personally, I was missing an entire, almost an entire lifetime of somebody right, and so I made a statement in that In the eulogy. It was not planned, it was just something that I noted, that we grew up in a time where we just didn't have the ability to capture moments like that. But I do agree with you that I was seeking that more to honor what was no longer there, right, not something that was there, obviously because he was gone, and it was, I guess, to a point, selfish, but I think there is a little bit of value in that in a closure sense.
:Oh yeah, I think there's a process. I think there's a part where it does play a part, but the hanging onto it is what becomes that yeah.
Speaker 2:I think so too the other part. So there's another example I have. So we used to have a when camcorders were a big thing. We had one of those and they made special little small tapes, little cassettes that you would put in these recorders.
Speaker 2:I remember them and then you put them in actual VHAs cassette. So we actually have one of those and I've got some. I've got it somewhere Because there's videos from my grandfather, there's videos from Hawaii, things like that man I just I really loved going back and watching and listening to, and what's interesting is that I find the value in holding onto those things Because it's something that maybe it's, maybe it is that, what is that word? Reminiscence? Maybe that's there and honestly I don't know.
:Maybe you're on. Let's see the thing is, is honoring somebody and hanging on to a memory or different things, so honoring the lessons learned from that person's life? That's how you keep them alive, by the things you learn from them, by enacting that in your life. That's the true honor. You know where it came from, I agree. You know where it came from and that is all they ever wanted to do for you.
Speaker 2:The other part of that is because I think about something like when we went to Montana last time, the first time I had this thought. I've never thought about this before, but we were looking. I'm going to pull up this picture so you can see what I'm showing you. We were looking at a specific view on the side of the highway, looking over Helena, I think Helena or Butte, I can't remember, but it is my. Let me see if I can just pull my profile up real quick. Sorry, I don't mean to drag.
Speaker 2:No, you're getting that picture right there I felt like when I took that picture, I took a little piece out of it, so I felt like capturing moments like that actually does a detriment to the actual thing.
:I know it sounds crazy. You're seeing it through a lens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm looking and that's what I think about when.
:Now it's beautiful, it is.
Speaker 2:And you want to share it, but that shows nothing to what I saw.
:It doesn't even remotely resemble what you were looking at. That was so vast.
Speaker 2:You know something and I think a lot of people can attest to that. Now, I'm sure there are cameras out there that can capture the point is, but you still can't capture what it is.
:It's an image of it, I agree.
Speaker 2:I agree it's a representation of it and I think maybe the idea is honoring that what that representation was, more so than trying to capture it and share it, because we get into the weeds of sharing it to look what I'm doing, and I think that's a part of the problem that this kind of stuff presents. For people. It makes people feel like, well, I guess he thinks he's better than me because he went to Montana.
:Here's the other thing, though it makes people want to go to fucking Montana.
Speaker 2:That's true, so there's a benefit to it.
:Right, there's like that might be, just like you know what. I got to go fucking see that. I got to see that because there's no, because if you know pictures, don't really tell the picture and that picture looks amazing. Imagine what it would be like to be there and that's why I went to Scotland, that's why I'm going back.
:Yeah.
:Right, it's just like so. This is how I have to look. I can't have any shame bro.
:Yeah.
:Or I can't have any shame. Look, if I take pictures of something and, like you said, I'm going to be honest with you, that's a pretty profound thought, though.
:Yeah.
:That you took a piece of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And you took it with you. Yeah, instead of living it and having that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it was just a moment right and I told Katie that too.
:What if we're? Not supposed to have these things beyond that.
:Have these things beyond that? What if this is all flooding us? What if this is all confusing us? It's allowing us to look back and not at.
:Yeah.
:You know, because I'm going to tell you. Or forward to I believe that all of these things that we expect, dude, I oftentimes forget to take out and take pictures. There's oftentimes I go do the coolest shit and I can't share it with anybody, but with a story.
:And.
:I think fuck it. People are going to interpret the video however they want. Let me just tell my story.
Speaker 2:Well, it's a good old folk tale, man she's like.
:William Wallace. That's the thing, because then you can it's like when you dramatized for cinema you can emphasize the parts that matter to you, right? It's not so much lying, it's just like this was more impactful. So I want to share it with you in a way of how it impacted me, not necessarily what was said, but the moment, what it felt like. Yeah, right, so you make things 10 foot tall as opposed to four foot.
:You know what I mean.
:Like this is like, because it seemed it impacted you as low. It was 10 foot tall.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Right, and so thinking about things like that it allows me to see people as not liars.
Speaker 2:Right.
:It's because I realized their recollection of it was that it was like that, because it did affect them that way. And that's not necessarily a lie. They just don't have the right words to articulate that and it's because people lazily pull words. But it is what it is, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, there's some value to a picture has there's a million word, or tells a thousand stories, or a million words, or whatever. I think there's value to these things right.
:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:If it finds somebody in a moment of time where they just need something.
:Think about how many words it would take to capture what you truly felt in a moment.
:Yeah, there's no amount of words that can truly capture.
:Because when I went to Colorado for the first time and I was just like fucking with Pike's Peak yeah, I was just like bro, I felt like a bitch. I felt so small.
:I felt little bitty. I felt irrelevant as fuck. I was like this thing could squash me. I have no control over this shit. Yeah, and as I'm standing up there, I'm barefoot on Pike's Peak. I'm just like stand like oh fucking strongest, the wind could make me lose balance and it's over with. Yeah, you know what I mean. There's something exhilarating and freeing about that, but also it just felt so small that's really the thing that I just felt small.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Got to walk her up.
Speaker 2:No, it's her neighbor. Oh yeah, no.
:So when I had that experience of feeling that small, I lost my breath. It literally took a breath. I felt like maybe it was like an anxiety or panic attack. It was like this fear washing over me of I'm insignificant as hell. It's like maybe that's a thrash of the ego. It's like, when you get around things like that, that you couldn't fathom what it would feel like, and then you feel that you're like this is bigger than me.
Speaker 2:Well, the thing is, man it's literally and it's yeah actually.
Speaker 2:So in those moments like and look, I don't know if everybody has experienced that, but they need to there is so much more value in the humility of something like this than there is not right Meaning. When you realize that, and at this moment and there was another one that we did not take a picture because I made the statement to Katie and I said I don't want to steal anything from this place. We're standing at this place, man, and it was like it was a historical place, and I mean it. Just when you looked at it, you can smell Sacajawea and Lewis and Clark. You could.
:it was just like this. There was an essence there, it was an essence there.
Speaker 2:You could just it was thicker than water. But I was standing there and I literally thought to myself like and this has been my elevator speech to go to Montana and stay there. It is incredibly humbling. It makes you just realize how insignificant each of us are as individuals in, and how much bigger this world is than us and, in my humble opinion, how much bigger God is than us. Right and so the air that I was breathing was untampered with the feeling I felt had no judgment, had no, it was just. It was just pure.
Speaker 2:It was pure yeah, and so I think that we're so out of touch with that.
:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that's. That's a. You know what we were talking about yesterday. This is another element to the same concept, and you said something and it spurred the thought in my head, and kind of the same words, about once we get to a point where we can love more instead of looking for to be loved more, right? Something of those nature. Yeah, then I think that we're in a much better place, not only in our homes and our individual communities, whatever, but it's just people.
:But that would be operating out of abundance instead of scarcity, right? So let's say love, yeah. Let's say if we see a lack of love in the world, right, if that's a problem that exists which I think it does then the lack of love, wanting someone to fulfill that for you, right, that's a fleeting thing. It'll never happen. It'll never happen, correct.
Speaker 2:It's a uphill battle all steps of the way, but it'll never happen.
:Maybe. Well, not with a physical, not in the physical love from a physical person, yeah, but what I'm saying is seeking that to fulfill you like somebody else's love? Yeah, for sure, yeah, yeah, but if you need somebody else's love for you to fill whole.
Speaker 2:It's just a drop in a bucket in the grand scheme of things.
:Yeah, and if you see a lack of love out there but you're also saying I just need somebody else's love, you're contributing to the lack of love by seeking love as opposed to giving it. Yeah, and if we operate with abundance, look, love's free to give. You don't have to have a bad mood or that. No, it's free.
Speaker 2:It's free to be caring right, I got a phone number that would tell you different.
:Yeah.
:That's well, actually, you know what? Let me take that back.
:It's not free to be caring.
:It is not free to be caring. Let me just go ahead and back that one up.
Speaker 2:If there wasn't at it that would be great, but it costs nothing from you as a person.
:There's no monetary cost. There's no change in anything that you have to do other than how you interact with it right Sure. But if you're operating, if you have an abundance of love, you give love. Giving love shows an abundance right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Not giving love shows a lack.
Speaker 2:I think the majority of us with an abundance would do the right thing.
:I'm going to tell you that was very sassy. I agree Either way, like you're I agree. Don't be petty, because I called you out early.
Speaker 2:I'm saying if most of us had an abundance, we would do that by default. I think that that is a great-.
:What if we do have it, though? What if we've been lied to and told and treated and taught that we don't have?
Speaker 2:it. I believe we are our own enemy of the state, Like we're the one that says we don't have it.
:We're the one that stops us why though, why do we do that?
Speaker 2:Because it's easier to be a victim.
:It's easier to be wanting than actually giving Maybe it is easier, maybe, but maybe, maybe I don't know this, but maybe the ways in which capitalism uses marketing to tell us what they want us to buy, believe and feel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but capitalism doesn't use anything.
:Well, you're correct, but because of capitalism. I'm not saying capitalism is a blame. I don't have anything wrong with capitalism. It's only very clear Capitalism exists.
Speaker 2:I have a chance with it, but that's-.
:If it exists in a vacuum, it is what it is. My point is not about capitalism. My point is about if that's Fuck, I got caught up on capitalism.
Speaker 2:So it's not about it, but we're just going to catch up, Well yeah, because I was trying to dispel it by saying something about capitalism Capitalism is marketing.
:Oh yeah, so the marketing aspect of it, right. So, because of capitalism, the thing is, you want more money, you want more. So what's the best way to get more money? Sure, to get people to give you the money that they have Sure.
:OK. So how do you get people to give you the money that they have? By convincing them that they need it. They don't need that money, they need this instead, and so ego marketing Me and David had an episode about this too. But think about a Dandruff commercial. Think about nobody probably thought Dandruff was embarrassing.
Speaker 2:Until you have a black turtleneck on, and then it's all over your shoulder. And now, every time you see a pretty girl, you're like fuck.
:Do I have a Dandruff.
:That's programming dude, you see. So maybe it isn't so much that it's easier, it's just like it's so hard to fight against the constant repetitious programming that's given to us?
:Yeah sure.
:Starting at school. It's fear-mongering, oh, absolutely, but so I don't even want to get into it, never mind. So we'll just keep it there, the fear aspect of it. Right, that's what keeps people held down, because, oh, if I don't, oh, I'm so sick, like all of these negative fucking things, you can literally do the same thing.
:Yeah.
:Just with a different frame of mind, you feel better about it. Sure, the people around you appreciate it more, and the result is quality. Yeah, and quality I mean. The thing is, my issue is that people try to rush through shit. I'm getting all of it Like I'm all over the place. I'm starting to.
Speaker 2:I know there's a lot of thoughts that are interacting there. I get it.
:Just having this whole fucking thing of issues with situations. Right, take two homeless people, hold them in a circle.
Speaker 2:No, you don't put two people in a circle, by the way, we have to get back to this half circle thing, we'll get it. Anyway. So two homeless people right, they have the same. They lack the same right. Somebody asked a homeless person for something Out of fear. One says I don't have it. The other one says I have just enough to give you some as well. What is the primary difference between those two people. Don't say fear, because fear is obviously the conflict.
:Well, the difference between the person is how they're having that experience. Yeah Right, so the person that has enough to share, they're in their experience, they understand where they're at, they're humbled.
:Yeah.
:Right, the person that is refusal to give and all that stuff. Look, that might be the reason why they're there. But what about the other person? The other person might be there for different reasons. Sure Thing is you can't judge someone why they're there. But that experience that they're having, I would honestly, the way that that person, if that person would be scared to give it, I wouldn't blame them honestly. But if they're dealing with that that way, they're going to stay there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Right, that's going to be the. You can't scare yourself into a better situation Like you just can't. Maybe Maybe you can, but is it a better situation if you're still scared?
Speaker 2:No, I don't know that it's that way. Maybe we're talking about fear versus acknowledgment. So, for example, we were having a conversation about our visions and stuff like that. Well, I actually read something in the. It was the Warrior Poet way, maybe, but it was talking about doing a counter vision, meaning change nothing and plan out the route that you're heading without changing anything and then do an assessment. So I think that maybe that's a little fearful, like because nobody wants to look down the line and say I'm going to be homeless or whatever the case. It could be worse case than, or whatever. But I also think that there's value in being able to look at both pros and cons.
:Well, you have to see that it's possible, sure, right. The thing is, if you can't accept that it's possible or real, it can happen. Here's the thing it can still happen if you don't accept that.
:Yeah.
:But or if you do accept it, but if you accept the reality that that's a potentiality, then you consider it. Then you're just like OK, well, if I don't pay my house note, then I might be homeless.
:Right.
:Or if I don't like you know, like if I can't afford a place to stay, then I might be home, like that's a legitimate thing, but if you're so far away from worried about being able to afford a place to stay, your concerns are different. But if you're still fearful, yeah. I mean, I think people change. I think maybe, like you, keep being scared until you're not, like sometimes people amass millions before they finally figure out. Damn, all I had to do was treat people better.
Speaker 2:See, I think that's the thing, and let's go back to the original part of the conversation, from the jumpstart I think, as we relate it to that practice and things like that. So in my mind, from a practical standpoint, the difference between those homeless people is one's been at it just a little bit longer and they understand what they can do.
:Yeah, one of them is new to this lifestyle Correct, so when you're new to something.
Speaker 2:you're more in that scarcity mindset, right, You're like I have nothing practically, I can't give everything. Something just clicked for me. I know it did. That's why I'm here. This is the service I provide for you.
:Act like you've been there before. It's not about pretending you've been there before.
Speaker 2:Act like you've been somewhere.
:But it's not about pretending that you've been there. It's about knowing that you are going to be there, correct?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm just, that's such a funny statement to me. Yeah, it is a funny statement Really, but it's like you've been somewhere, but the thing is, is it kind of clicked?
:for me it's like that might be what that fucking means. That's the problem with fucking words, bro. Yeah, that's the problem with words. And I said, oh cool, you got the computer, we can bring up lyrics, yeah, so I've been talking about this song a lot. I want you to pull the lyrics of this song if you can find it. And so it's called Till I Disappear by Sons of a Center.
:All right.
Speaker 2:Also problem with words, this half circle thing, quarter circle, quarter circle is the same problem.
:It's a quarter of the problem.
Speaker 2:I'm going to tell you why, bro. Because a half circle.
:Till I Disappear, it's still a circle. Yeah, it still makes a full circle.
Speaker 2:That's what I'm saying. There's still a shape. If there's no line, it's not a circle. Yeah, I'm done.
:What would that shape be called?
Speaker 2:A.
:C Sons of a Center.
Speaker 2:Of a center Lyrics. Oh yeah lyrics. Hold on, stand by Technical difficulties.
:Right. So me and James have been having this conversation about, like about pain and and and death and, you know, shit going on like depression, dark shit going on in people's lives, right, and so the reason why I've been bringing this song up in a lot of live streams, I've been talking to a lot of people about it, I'm gonna tell you, for some reason, there's something about this song that just fucking emphasizes what I'm talking about when I'm talking about pain, right, and it says a what part do you want that?
Speaker 2:that hit me right there.
:That's not the right song it's not. Now that's Sons of a Center by Jelly Roll.
Speaker 2:That's what you said. Son of the sons of a son of the band.
:It's called till I disappear by Sons of a Center.
Speaker 2:I Disappear.
:Hmm by.
Speaker 2:By Google them. Don't you say that you know who runs? That now we know. Knowing it's half the battle.
:Yeah, that's the. I found the lyrics once. Let me see if I can find it on my phone. It's not. It's not of those.
Speaker 2:No, keep going Dang it's, what's what's going on here? They try well. No, it's not. They're not a popular.
:Now, there's not a popular. They're not a popular band. They're not. It's not like a well-known band sons of a center.
Speaker 2:How about we say until I disappear, here we go, until I disappear.
:Are you fine?
Speaker 2:Dude.
:Yeah, yeah, it's all Jelly Rolls.
Speaker 2:Son of a, son of a center.
:Yeah, that's tough. Tough to have a band name, son of a, son of a center, and then Jelly Roll comes out with a song Well, fucking, wow, this is. This is quite a it's a task. Yeah, I didn't realize that this was gonna be such a Mm-hmm a task. Such a task. Let me, just let me try this. The stuff. Oh, found it.
:It's not gonna show up on Google, but I found it so okay the reason now, the reason why it's not gonna show up on Google is because Just search for sons of a center. Like what did I search for? Specifically Lyrics, type in specifically this lyrics to till I disappear by sons of a center. Search it, go to the bottom and you're gonna go to Go down, keep keep going down. There should music, the M music, this one. Yeah, click on that one. And then you're gonna click on the band name up top.
Speaker 2:Yeah and then you'll find the song there. Well, that was stupid.
:Yeah, no quiet. You see how hard it is to find that yeah, quite a pain in the ass, all right. So there's a part of the song James James is going through a little bit, but there's a part of the song where it says Says I drown myself in whiskey to numb all the pain. No matter how much I drink, none of it goes away. Cigarettes mask the smell of whiskey on my breath. I'm feeling empty like a bottle alone. Nothing left that right there. That emphasizes how I felt as an alcoholic.
:Yeah that right there. That is that is the. The most representative Way that I can say when how I felt. Yeah, right, so I would do something to hide something else that I was more ashamed of. Right I was. I was doing, everything was empty, there was no feeling to anything, but I knew that I was going to be judged by it from the people around me, so I tried to hide being that way because I didn't want to be viewed that as that person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hi as the drunk or as a hurt.
:As a hurt, I would actually be actually preferred to be viewed as the drunk.
:Yeah, weak person.
:Yeah right, that was a better image for me. Yeah because then a drunk's not weak, a drunk as a drunk.
Speaker 2:Yeah, an alcoholic.
:It's a firefight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I get it, man again.
:So there's, you know, and there's another part of the song. It says shades in the bar. Hide where I'm looking at tonight, right wearing glass sunglasses in the bar. I'm drunk again and that comes no surprise. It comes to no surprise. The loneliness I feel is driving me insane. I put on a smile just to make all my face, just to make it through another day.
:Yeah, bro.
:This whole fucking song. The whole song, and then the chorus is follow me, follow me all the way down till I disappear.
:Yeah, well, you could think about that yeah okay.
:So that's why I think, that's why this song hits me is because I think that there's a lot of people a lot of men specifically, but a lot of people feel this way. It's very representative and I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm willing to bet the person wrote this song is still dealing with this. Maybe I'm willing, and I don't want that to be the case.
Speaker 2:Well, this is, this is deep.
:Here's the thing there's a lot of representation there.
Speaker 2:There might, and that might just be what it is as well. Right that keep in mind that there are also souls out there that represent the. The person that's not heard you know. So doesn't necessarily mean that may not be their life, but right, but they recognize that there's somebody out there like you know. That's the what. That's a beautiful thing about music it's relatable.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, and I think that's a it, not without sounding Scamish. It is marketable, right, and that's the marketable thing to it. But the thing is is to gain the attention of somebody who might be going through these things is to give them a 5050 shot and understanding that this is what this is and Maybe they can do something and, yeah, the best part for me was that I found it after I felt like I'd been through that darkest part and it spoke my words to me.
:If you will, yeah right. It's something that I had spent time with and it come to this understanding that that is what I did and how I did it. And Then somebody, and then I hear this song and it's like oh, the lyrics are simple, but Doesn't matter, and it's only three chords, it's an easy song to play. Also, it's a very it's I don't know, it's very representative.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just sitting here looking at something in reference to that. So Talk about this just a little bit. I'm not gonna give any specifics or any names or anything, but this is something. The reason we brought this song up was because this past week I had somebody that I was pretty close with Not overly close, and I haven't talked to him in about a year and a half or so but that he took his own life this past weekend. And the thing is is, as I'm, as I'm looking at Look, there's a whole text message from him.
Speaker 2:As I'm looking at the lyrics talking about so I draw myself in whiskey, them all the pain, no, no matter how much I drink, none of it goes away. Cigarettes mask the smell of whiskey on my breath. I'm feeling empty, like a bottle alone, nothing left. And so one of the things that I, you know, and I again I don't want to get too much into specifics, but I want maybe somebody will relate to this and understand, because it dealing with dealing with somebody in your life that decides to make or what decides. It feels like there's no option, right? No other option than to take Matters into their own hands and make that final decision. There's considerations that we owe People like that, understanding that this doesn't come out of nowhere. This is something that builds and builds and builds and and you know, I'm sitting thinking about this guy I don't the guy we're selling Maybe, maybe twice I saw him without glasses on his face, shades always, always, always on the bike, off the bike, in Bars, you know, wherever else, right, and and it was. We all contributed to the image, right? And that might be what it is, just in a different way than what we thought.
Speaker 2:But I was telling Daniel and some other people that I've been talking to about this myself. I left that life, and I left that life because there was a lot of this repetitive in the lyrics, as it claims that you're feeling empty, you know, and, and the great thing about things like this, I think that, number one, it exists because it's a group of people, it's a tribe, it's somewhere you can belong. So that's, that's foundational. And think all of us want that, we want to belong. You know, it doesn't have to be some validation thing, it didn't have to be some seeking thing. It just at some point in time in our lives I do believe that we want to belong somewhere around somebody right, and when we get into those and this really comes down to what kind of tribe we get into that's when we start figuring out the character of content.
Speaker 2:What things do you wind up doing inside of this group? What's encouraged, what's not encouraged? Are you in a for the lack of a better term, are you in a safe space or are you in a very risky space? Right, and we can cut toenails of this whole thing forever. But the thing is that I realized is within my own self. I realized I was going down a path where I was starting to ask questions of myself that I've never asked before, and I still had the desire to have conversations about things I knew I should have conversations about growing as a man, a young man, but nobody was interested Because it just wasn't the climate that we were in, and it was a weak thing to be weak.
Speaker 2:It was a weak thing to be curious about growth and things like that we talk about here, and so I recognized that he had the same problem and when he found that it was a problem, he tried to replace that with something else that he chased. So back to the cigarettes mask. The smell of whiskey on his breath. The next best thing was whatever he decided to chase, which we've talked about, and then still feeling empty like a bottle. Right, it just goes to show that we have a real problem with this. You know, and after talking to 10, 15, 20 guys or so in the past few days, five days or so, there's a lot of different takes on this and the understanding that I've come to.
Speaker 2:Even though I am confused and I am a little angry about it and I am the way I am right now with this because I'm still processing it in my own way I do understand that it's not just as simple when you have somebody that's here in this spot in their lives. It's not as simple as snapping out of it. It is just like putting on weight. It takes just as long to get the weight off. Remember how much work it took you to put it on. You gotta do just the same, if not more, work, to get it off. And I think, as we discuss what we're discussing about the abundance mentality, or loving more than expecting love in return, because that's a given. I think when you love, you get it right, you fulfill yourself as you fulfill others.
:It's like, well, the Celtic thing that you brought up earlier. When I harmed someone else, I only harmed myself, or? Whatever right, that's in the end. So if you love others, guess what you just did.
:You loved yourself. You loved yourself, yep Right and so but here's the thing.
:So God says you gotta do miracles right. Miracles, that's your obligation here, and miracles are just acts of love.
:Yeah.
:Acts of love, kindness, right, all things good, all that shit right and so, with somebody in that state of mind such as myself and how I've have been the only way to survive. There is other people's love, seriously and so, but you can't expect it of other people. That's the problem. It shouldn't be an expectation, because when you expect other people to do it and they can't or don't, you know what I'm saying Like it's this weird game. But the problem is when somebody's in that deep, dark spot, they just need to be loved and they need to be helped through the process, because the thing is patting them on the back saying add a boy, and walking away saying you got this, yeah, but you don't. That's not. It's like telling somebody just pray about it. Motherfucker, brand's why I'm here, like that's how I feel, right, right.
:You can't tell me to keep chugging away Like I don't feel, like I'm fucking doing anything right, everything's failing, everything is going the right way, even though some things may fall my way, I miss them and don't see them because I'm so focused on the fucking guilt, pain, the shame, all the wrongs, and then, when I wake up the next day, I'm reminded of all of the other things that I did the previous day that I wasn't aware of because I was focused on the other shit that I did and it just keeps building and building and building, and inevitably the way our enemy works.
Speaker 2:Then you get the phone call of hey, by the way, you're getting evicted, or hey, by the way, you're fired Because it's like when that song, when it rains it pours, yeah, basically, and it's, I believe that I believe that. Oh, when it rains, it pours.
:I don't get to see my future ex-wife mother anymore, so just for origin. Oh, when it rains, the word miracle originates.
Speaker 2:In Latin it's from Mirus, which is wonderful, mirau, mirari, which is to wonder. Mirari, yeah. And then miraculum is the object of wonder. To middle English it means wonderful, yeah, so miracle, yeah, so yeah.
:And so, like in all reality, like I don't really know how someone gets out of, like exactly where they are, because only they know exactly where they are, but as someone that's been to my bottom, right to my bottom, to where I made the decision to kill myself and all that shit right Go through this whole experience and all these things and ever since then there's been a whole different view of life. Right, I know some people don't get that opportunity because there's some fall through, right, maybe because of my lack of fall through finally paid off, right, not to make a lot of it too much, but the reality is is like I'm. I had to recover from that man.
:I'm not there anymore, though, right, and so something happened. Something changed, all right, and I spent a very long time of my life trying to better understand why I'm so fucked up. That's how I talk to him. Why are you so fucked up? Why do you treat the why are you so fucked up, man? Like? Why do you keep doing this shit? Why do you keep fucking talking? Why do you keep doing these things that are causing more fucking? Why do you keep fucking doing this shit Every day? Every day. That's how I talk to myself, instead of saying man, I understand why you're doing that.
:But you don't have to. You don't have to, man, and that's how I had to start talking to myself. But it took a lot of fucking abuse of myself for me to finally stop talking to myself that way, because I started not letting other people talk to me that way.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the point, right there. So keep in mind what you just described is also how other people interact with this. For example, lean on me when you need a guiding hand. Okay, let me bring something to you that I learned about this past few weeks ago. Somebody that I knew other than this guy Somebody I knew said they were having a problem. My response to them this was on a phone call conference between like 150 men. My response was if you need anything, call me. Somebody else said you call him Because, realistically, he needs something.
Speaker 2:Yep, and he's not gonna tell you and he's saying it and he's not gonna tell you he needs anything further. So I think that's what we do. Who was it? Somebody on my team asked me the next day or that same day. I found out and he said so. Like I already know, you've already asked your question about what could you have done better. Right, and I particularly didn't feel any guilt or shame in that because I didn't have much to do with that, but it was a great question because I didn't know and I had to think about it and I was thinking I guess the only thing I think I could have done better is proactively reach out to him instead of saying you can reach out to me if you need my help.
:But now you know, for other people.
Speaker 2:Right right.
:That's your lesson that you've received here right. It's like that's why you can't feel guilt and shame, because if you'd have known, you fucking would've. Right, you have to have faith in yourself. If I would've known, I would've. If I'd have known that that would've helped, I would've done it.
Speaker 2:Well, I think most people think and I did, I'm not gonna lie. I thought that, in general, when you're talking about people who are struggling, I think that the default is let me know if I can help you. Right, that's the default.
:And I think it's genuine. I think so too. I think genuinely.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't go full circle man.
:It's not empathetic.
Speaker 2:It's sympathetic.
:It's sympathetic yeah, it's not empathetic, it's not an understanding of where they really are, and sometimes and again.
Speaker 2:I hate to admit this, but I think sometimes it also is a little bit egotistical.
:Oh yeah, like well I said, I said Honestly, I told him I would help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I said I'd help, he just didn't do it he didn't make the choice Right.
:The thing is you didn't give him something to confront. Correct, and I'm not saying you have to battery somebody.
:No 100%.
:But like show up, like look, I'm gonna tell you I have a very good friend. I'm not gonna say any names, I'm not gonna give any way any 2D deals, but this person, this friend, they, we had lost touch. We weren't really engaged. We weren't engaged at all with each other. We had a physical altercation.
:Done, no more yeah yeah, I was planning on never talking to this person ever again. And somewhere out of the blue, four or five years later, this person calls me and gets in contact. Says, hey, join the military to do all this stuff, you know. Just wanna let you know I'm okay.
:Yeah.
:You know, this is how you doing all this stuff, right, like you know. And then later on in life, a couple years later, this person's in a bad spell, still in the military stateside, but drugs, shit like that. Yep, you know, I'd recently had a kid and they were over at my house with several people and they started doing drugs. You know, look, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't really give a fuck that they were doing drugs. I just don't give a shit Like I've never really been well, as an adult I haven't been.
:Yeah.
:But him particularly, you know. He said something that then triggered me. All right, we were separate from everybody else and I said let me talk to you for a minute. We went back there and we were talking and he said something that fucking triggered me. I put him up against the wall, started screaming at him and I felt the fear that I know he was unwilling to acknowledge.
:Yeah.
:So I put it in his fucking face, and I didn't do this to hurt him.
:Yeah.
:I did this because I cared about his kid, yeah, and I cared about him being a good dad, because that's all he ever fucking wanted to be. And you're gonna get a fucking shot to do it and you're gonna throw it away. That's kind of the approach that I took. It's like it's all you've ever wanted to be in. You're already checking the fuck out, dude.
:Yeah.
:What are you doing? Like? What the fuck are you doing? Well, there's a lot of things that change in that person's life. I'm not saying I caused the change, but what I'm saying is like I might have never seen him again after that man.
:Yeah.
:And I'm not saying, and the thing is, I was willing to hold his fucking hand through everything. Yeah, If he needed me to fucking call doctors, if he needed, I would have done any of it. I needed him to be there for his daughter. Yeah, I needed him to show up for his kid. I needed him to show up for something that he is not lost yet.
:Yeah.
:Because he was going to yeah and I'd yet had not gone through the shit that I've been through in regards to my relationships, my kids and things like that. But yeah. You know, when you know somebody their whole fucking life and you see them go through some hardships, even if you don't like them so much, you still care about them.
:Yeah sure, right. And then when you see that they, oh, they're making some changes, they're doing some things in their life, they're going better, and like, okay, cool, well, maybe. And then they start making those choices again that cause you to separate to begin with, yep, I'm not doing this shit again. Yep, we're not doing this shit again. All right, this isn't going to be a physical altercation, because I'm not fighting you, but I'm going to tell you what I'm going to tell you. You do with it what you want, but I'm going to be here no matter what. And the thing is like, there's probably been a lot of ups and downs, and some of them, but him and I, since then, we've been close. We've been not close, but we remain in relationship with each other, I think, on the pure simple fact that, like I know, he has my best interests in mind and I have his and I know if I step out of line he'll tell me he'll check me, because he owes me that.
:Yeah.
:And not because of an obligatory reason.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I understand.
:But he owes me that because he knows that I would give that to him. So that's just a small example. There's a lot of people that as I go back and I think about my life, I was so scared of them to end up where I was at.
:Yeah.
:I was like you don't fucking want to be here, like do better. I can't do better, but fucking at least you can do better. Yeah, and I think a lot of people take that approach too, man, like just thinking about that right now, like I can't do better, but you can.
:Yeah.
:But that's just never true. No, that's never true. Yeah, and so that allows us to justify how we continue to be, while also trying to hold somebody else to the stick. Right, and I because-.
Speaker 2:Which is a sickness, by the way.
:Yeah, it's perpetuating that. Well, that pop filter would have been nicer. Yes, sorry, perpetuate. No, my popping Perpetuating the problem. I don't know, man. There's a lot of things that that, when people are going through shit, man, it's like there's really no like surefire way to help them, other than to know that I care about this person and I'm going to do the best that I can to continue to do that.
:Yeah.
:We can't judge them for the mistakes that they make and where they're at, because God forbid all the skeletons in our closet that we're hiding from, that we're not showing the world. Yeah, that's why we feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure, All of those things that we're ashamed of, that we're scared of people finding out, all these things in our past that we hope people don't know about. That's what's got us fucked up.
:Yeah.
:All right. And our unwillingness to talk to people about those things, our unwillingness to be able to say, hey look, man, like fuck it, man, fuck it. Sometimes you do blow off a hooker's ass, like and then you don't do that anymore, like sometimes that happens. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like you can have a time in your life where you're fucking doing all this crazy wild shit and all this stuff like that doesn't excuse it, though, right.
:Yeah.
:Like, you get to make a change to improve yourself. You always get a chance and I just don't want people to lose that hope Because no matter how far down the road of alcoholism or drugs or whatever it is that they're on, I still want to hold out hope that they're going to get it. Like they're going to figure it out Sure, and like if I feel obligated and I'm not saying my own personal I need to do something to help them. I'm drawn to do things and when I do things it is helpful.
:Yeah.
:But it's because I allow myself to be used to be helpful as opposed to trying to go be a savior.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, for sure.
:Because you can't be a savior to people, man, but you really got to hope for the best for them and think to yourself what the fuck can I do to help them understand what I know will help them, because telling them don't work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't, no, I don't know man. Even in some cases, showing them doesn't work. You know that's like they're living a whole different type of life. That might be worse sometimes. I think so too.
:Just silently showing them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Because then they get to interpret it. They don't know why you make those decisions. They don't know why you look both ways before you cross the street.
Speaker 2:These guys trying to make me look bad, or look at this guy thinking you know, I understand that and I respect that part of it too.
:Because maybe they are.
Speaker 2:I think it becomes tricky. It is a tricky situation Because I'm going to be honest with you, statistically showing, like it's been proven, that probably for every five to 10 people around you, there's three or four going through it. You know, and you'll never know, the suicide rate of men proves that yeah you'll never know.
Speaker 2:And the thing is is that you'll never know if you don't find out. And when you find out, then it's a delicate process. It's not. You know. There are some people in this world that can go through the ungebunga process, like I mean, I've got a friend that I actually smacked it right across his fucking mouth because he was an alcoholic and he was making really bad decisions almost life threatening, still made me feel like a piece of shit. And you know what happened when he got home? He drank fucking more, right, ok. So this tough love thing, it does work, but it's not the default and it has to be well-placed.
:It's a tool and a bag.
Speaker 2:It certainly is man it is, and I think that we really know when that is, but if you feel guilt and shame from it was it really loving, Was it really loving?
:And like that's the thing too, but you shouldn't. If you did, you shouldn't feel guilt and shame from it because you did what you thought was best and then fuck, maybe that wasn't out. You know, like that's given it to the Holy Spirit saying, hey look, look, I acted in a way that was out of character. I acted in a way that was unpure, to my like, what I intended to do, but I didn't know what else to do, right.
:So, help me to better. You know, like that's the thing, like you've got to give it, you have to accept it. Like no, I shouldn't have fucking slapped it.
Speaker 2:What's funny is that like, as I was saying earlier, that culture that we were in because I was still in the club and he was, too, this other guy.
Speaker 2:And that's the culture. You know what I mean. That's why that's what like. So, for example, if I were to go to some guys that I'm in this group with now and try to act like that like I'm only reminded that Joe Rogan's, where he's talking to Brian, is a Brian Callan he's like I would murder that motherfucker. He's like what are you talking about, bro? You've gone through your whole life talking like that and guys have just let you talk like that. That's just not going to fly here, bro. You're not murdering anybody. Shut the fuck up. You know, essentially in much more philosophical words, but it's same concept, man. That was the culture that we had, and so, not to mention the fact that, as I was growing up, people that talked about killing themselves right, people that talked about that they were shunned bro.
Speaker 2:They were shunned 100%, and especially if you care for somebody that does that.
:Oh yeah, you want to smack the shit out of them. This is part of what fucked me up with religion. My mom killed herself, right yeah. And so now church tells me that suicide's one of the worst things. You're definitely going to hell. Yeah, I'm like wow, why'd a fucking inspire a fucking nine-year-old? You know what I'm saying? Like right, like maybe that's true. I'm not arguing whether it is or not, but like, come on.
Speaker 2:Definitely time and place, and not to mention the fact, like you didn't ask for that and the reality is, that's their fear, that's their belief, right? That's their fear. I would agree with that. I agree with that.
:And so I went a long time carrying somebody else's fear about what that is, yeah, and then I go through my own fucking struggle of it, because I'm carrying somebody else's fear of what this is, and then I'm faced with my own fucking reality of do I die or do I live.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And the thing is is like maybe that whole thing could have been avoided.
Speaker 2:See, that's easy. I think that's easier for me to interpret in the opposite way, though, because, like for me, I don't know if it's a fact, but if it's a possibility, right, but even believing that, dude, the possibility makes it a fact of it being possible.
:Well, what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:is that? What I'm saying is that, like so, even in the times that my shadow times, if you will I wasn't fully committed, except for one time, but it was a flop, 100% flop, and even then I felt foolish because I didn't want to die. I don't want to die. But then the thing is, is that that is play a variable in my mind, right as far as that belief of it's like the one unforgivable sin, because you can't repent for that, bro, I wanted to die, I wanted nothing more.
:That's why I was so reckless with everything. But I wanted to die, but nothing would fucking take me out. But I tried to stay within the parameters, like socially acceptable. But also I was a fucking idiot. I was doing stupid shit. I was all kind of I just had a death wish man. The thing was is everybody saw that as courageous? No, motherfucker, I was scared.
Speaker 2:I was so scared. Well, surface value.
:But that's why I acted that way is because I was scared.
:And I was running from that fear.
Speaker 2:I agree with that, man Right.
:And so like that's again, it's like the dopamine hit that adrenaline rush from going fast bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that adrenaline rush, if you make it through, you make it through another day, and then you know.
:OK, you go 100 miles an hour. Right here You're like OK, well, how do I still go 100 miles an hour? No hands. Like you know like that's how all of my shit progressed.
:All of it, yeah.
:Bro, and then it took me finally calming the fuck down.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And then I break my collarbone and I tear my fucking neck, but this whole time while I'm trying to fucking basically destroy myself. I was fucking invincible dude.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
:Nothing would stop me or hurt me. I was just fucking reckless.
:Yeah.
:But the thing is, I think I had to survive that To understand the reason why I was that way. It was like you know what I'm saying. So like. You lost the pissing contest is what happened Essentially.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it pulled harder than you did, yeah. And you know my ego, my ego didn't like that, Of course it didn't my ego didn't like, because then you're just like well, god, I can't even do this right. I mean yeah.
:But you know, then I had to have an all of a sudden change because I knew that I was done. I did not want to be here. Then I had this come to Jesus meeting, if you will, With whatever. Wherever I was, however, I was.
:Yeah.
:And I just knew that I couldn't put my gifts in when I went through. Sure, I had the conscious thought but here's the thing I not had that experience what I've had, that thought.
:Yeah, but maybe I was going to have to deal with depression. Maybe it was always going to get that low. Maybe it was always going to be that bad when it happened. That was the unknown. But maybe it was inevitable because of the way I perceive these things. But then, when I faced with that same reality on the other side because I was having a lot of PTSD symptoms at that point from being a child when my kid so my son was getting older he was the ages that I was at with her A lot of shit, right, and a lot of the things that I did was fucking the shit my parents did to me. I didn't want to do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:I just kept feeling guilty Just programming.
:They just kept fucking me up more and more and more and like all of these things, and then I get to that point I was like man, I can't fucking like their mom's, like not okay, like can't leave them with her, like that's not. And that might be a good thing too that she wasn't okay, because at least again I consciously was aware of the fact that, like I cared, I didn't wanna fucking do that to my kids. So I was reasonably thinking like I'm a problem for everyone except for my kids, because everyone around I thought I was the best chance my kids had to make it Right and so I didn't trust anybody else to be able to take care of my kids.
:So I had to change something, man, because I don't maybe that lack of, but again that was my lack of faith in people. That's where you were there, man, I get that, and so, but that's what I hung on to and that's what. That's not what kept me alive. That's what kept me making the decisions to stay alive after that, because I was no longer wanting to die.
:I was like I gotta stay alive. I still wanted to kill myself From time to time. I still wanted to die. But then I would think about like can't have my fucking kids, man, I can't do this, and the thought would be fleeting, it would leave. But then I would have to be on medication for a little while because I couldn't get rid of the thought. The thought would stay there. So to get off the medication. I was able to focus on life. I'd do life, get off the medication, be good for a little bit, and then I'd fucking something bad would happen. I would turn in on myself. My immediate reaction was always to turn in on myself.
:Always and then I fucking beat myself to death, literally, almost literally beat myself to death Just constantly hounding myself and pushing and hounding and never being able to catch my breath, man, but then finally the medications, going to therapy, just doing these different fucking things, like God. I gotta find some fucking relief here, because I chose to quit drinking.
:Because, I knew that if I was going to keep my kids, if my ex-wife took me to court, I couldn't drink. So I stopped drinking before I even tried to kill myself. It's probably why I was trying to kill myself.
:Because I was done drinking.
:I'd given it up. So next best thing, right. And so, like all this shit, and it's like I had to fucking face it, dude, now it's probably the best thing that I ever did was feeling all of that pain just fucking facing it head on but then knowing like I gotta stay here because this is the best shot that they have.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Right, and if I think back, there's friends that probably I felt that way about. There's a lot more than just what I give credit to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Right, because you have to find something positive to hang on to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was gonna say that you just have to Kind of the analogy of just like carrying around like 15 dumbbells on your back, right, it's just a matter of it sucks for everybody. It's not an optimal situation, but you make the decision is what you're chasing worth it? If it's not, find something that's worth it? Because, look, I firmly believe all of us go through the spirals.
:I do believe that? Yeah, I think, but you know, based upon your programming and how like and I say programming, but your background.
Speaker 2:Yeah, of course Like.
:what does that spiral do to you?
Speaker 2:Me personally, man, like I mean, I went through a whole fucking thing last year for like seven months straight bro.
:How many times has it happened in your life, Maybe three maybe. So, like I guess, in my life I've had this reoccurring thing since I was a kid.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, it's a constant for some people. I get that.
:And then there's some seasons where it's heavier than others, but it's always a cycle, it always exists.
Speaker 2:The question I have been kind of and this ties back into what we were talking about earlier about the courage, confidence, competence thing so those things give you awareness and you're obviously on top of that part of it now, right, so that has to become the default.
:I don't know that everybody gets that access to those things. I don't think. No, I'm talking about you specifically because that's what we're talking about, right?
Speaker 2:It's a matter of I think. Everybody has access to things like that.
:Right, I agree with you.
:It's just a matter of if it lines up with what they're doing.
:It's available.
Speaker 2:And that's where this whole thing with the club life man it's a distraction, right? It's exactly what it is, and let me tell you this right now even things that are positive, like the one I'm in that can be a distraction People use it as a job yeah a job.
:I used my job as a distraction to keep from dealing with my problems.
Speaker 2:I just worked all the time. Well, let me ask you this Cause. I mean, I kind of have a theory on this. Why do you think, besides, like the default answer of it was just a distraction, why do you think you and or most men, it was socially acceptable For using work?
:Yeah, as an excuse, because nobody's gonna criticize you bringing the bread bro.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe not, but think about this deeper, because you personally, I know you and I know your work ethic, and your work ethic was stellar. You got respect for that.
:Yeah, you get admiration and respect those. Congratulate those. I feel like I'm doing a good job.
Speaker 2:Right, you seek that like, so I think that's a good way, that's a good, it's a good connect a dot right. But then we get to that point where we're just we're stuck there.
:It's the same as any addiction. As any positive or negative thing, because there's something else not getting dealt with because we're devoting so much of us to that Correct.
Speaker 2:And I believe that those things should be in seasons.
:That's an identity though. Right, it can be, absolutely. The thing is so. Like those are, you're putting work and effort into. Like those congratulate me. Let's talk about me. Sure, if I'm putting work into those congratulatory things and things that I get praise for, what happens when I run out of praise?
:I get bored bro I got bored with those jobs because I rent.
:Well, yeah, cause I got bored. Yeah, bro, I don't get fired because I'm doing a bad job, I get fired because I got bored and quit doing it. Yeah, well, that's and that's me.
Speaker 2:That's one element of it. Right, that's one aspect of it. The other part is is that so there's been some science on about this, but my belief, based on what makes sense, is that men will typically stay where they feel appreciated Right.
:Oh yeah, where they feel respected, even in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Which is why I think it's literally the entry door to why somebody will stay at a 12 hour shift or a 14 hour shift, even though it sucks, it would suck for an hour, bro, and I knew how to get that out of people. That's what I'm saying right.
:Yeah, that's a good part Because I appreciated. But the thing is I genuinely appreciated Correct. I was like damn.
:Thank you Like fuck, yeah, yeah.
:You know, and I think that there's a thing that misses with you, because they're expecting. Oh, I asked you to come in.
:I asked you to come in and it's like no bitch.
:Look, I'm gonna tell you one time, but I said please Look, I had. Look, I'm gonna tell you this is why I love dealing with older people, bro. Look, I was like 20 something years. I was 23, 24, I'm fucking like. You know, it's super positive, I'm in charge of it. I got these people that are retired or, you know, near retirement, 55 years old, and they're just like they're not going to be fucking told what to do by some 23 year old.
:There's two things that I like about that. Number one it made me had to be creative because they were going to listen to me. But the other thing is, too, is it made me understand like I need to respect their space, Of course, Because look, a 50 year old, somebody that's got grandkids and is like they're not coming to fucking work. I'm sorry Like fuck this job.
:I'm a grand kid. That's the first one I'm not coming to work.
:No matter how bad you need me, my family's just a little bit more important.
Speaker 2:Well, you're also the recipient of that too. Like when you get to be around people like that, you start to learn the value in this seeking for wit, right and this knowledge seeking. It's the same concept of seeking of items and in time and money, and space and things, but then you realize it's all gonna be gone, right.
Speaker 2:What's interesting is you made a statement that brought this one sentence alive for me, and this lady named Ray Luca, Ray Luca used to be the HR lady at the Marriott, the Corgi Marriott, and she said to me during my interview she said no, yeah, it was during the interview. She said remember that as a supervisor or a manager, you can be right, 100% right, but you can also be dead right, Meaning let's think about you trying to pull the big dick move over a 53 year old. You're gonna find yourself dick in hand and then the water by yourself and then, what you have, a whole other type of problem.
:So it comes from you gotta manage the egos of what's around there. 100% man. And you have to be aware, and you can't be bulldog and shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And that's the look. There's a lot of things, so I wanna point this out because I've been seeing this pattern right, I've pointed this out on live streams, I've said this on other podcasts people with these patient student driver stickers. Bro I see so many of them. They are not fucking student drivers. Okay, but think about the message that this should send to people right.
:There's so many people that clearly are not student drivers, that are still timid drivers, that just don't want to get fucking honked at. They wanna be given space to be able to get. They don't wanna fight on the fucking road, right? And the thing is and this is how people are, though right, that we gotta put a fucking sticker on ourselves saying hey, take it easy on me, hey, don't fuck with me or I'll cry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
:But the thing is is like if we could take that message for the truthful aspect of it. It's like, damn, maybe we're being a little too hard on the people around us, Like maybe we're expecting them to do and be something that's not true or real to them.
Speaker 2:Correct.
:And we're viewing what they should do through our lens, but it's not even ours. It's what we were told Correct and we're keeping that fucking bullshit alive.
Speaker 2:And that's not theirs. It was that they were told and so forth and so forth. And we're keeping it alive. Yeah, we're keeping it alive. There's a greater lens. There's a greater lens to live.
:So that's why I think that there's a lot of value in tradition that you understand what the tradition is for.
:That's why these group things are really nice and cool is because you have some tradition right. I've always loved the idea of right of passage. I've always loved the idea of there's a group part, but there's also what are you contributing to the group? So your right of passage is like go fucking, show us what you're bringing. We've brought you through this, we've shown you the culture. If you take that mindset out there, go show us what you're gonna bring us and that's the value that the person, that's the walk about.
:If you will For sure you earn your place there. We all have to do that in society, but this weird, fucking gross thing that we do of our walk to that, go get a fucking job yeah.
Speaker 2:That's what we have to do in the meantime.
:We have to do that, but the reality is what if it was just as simple as you go out, you kill a line, you come back here, accepted by your people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it could be as simple as that. You know what I'm saying, but it's not.
:We have to continuously prove that we're valuable.
Speaker 2:100% agree with that.
:The thing is we should know we're valuable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%.
:But we're told all the time that we're not.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And so that leads to these societal ideologies. Right, Like I'm not valuable on pieces, shit.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, hold on. So I do agree with you.
:And I'm not saying it's everywhere all the time.
Speaker 2:But you gotta consider, just like as we're advocating, for you have to consider what the lack of those things actually presents, right? So, for example, like I'll put myself on blast, it's been a struggle on the job side, right, and that does present an inconvenience per se for the other party in my home.
:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so it really comes down to the value system, not being about what people might think about me, but the dynamic of our relationship.
:Yeah. And how unfair or fair I'm being to her, Of course, of course, and so the thing that I would do I would do is I would wanna have the conversation with my partner about what are you so scared of when you're not having a job?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean Like genuinely.
:Let's understand the fear.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Let's break it apart, so that we don't have to pretend it's something that's not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree. I think a lot of its real surface value as far as, like, it's just a matter oh my God, you don't have a job. Freak out, freak out, freak out.
Speaker 2:But I understand what you're saying and I do agree with that too, that there has to be a clarity on. Well, first off, it just sharpens the communication aspect of it, right. It gives each partner the opportunity to clearly communicate what they're concerned about, and I think that most things that we like in the situation that we're in, that we're going to encounter, we'll get through with very easy yeah, like no, not a lot of struggle. But we're also not living in a mansion, we're not living in a four, five, six, seven, eight bedroom house, we're not driving four cars, so we're, in terms, living within our means in that regard.
:Very modest.
Speaker 2:Kind of a modest means. Yeah, and now that's not where I want to be forever right. But I mean, in the season that we're in right now, there is a focus I have that I could be doing much better at, and that's fine. But I do agree with you that most people look at this as a house on fire because they're standing on the street looking at the house. That's really not burning. They just imagine it to be burning Right Without actually going in and seeing, or they see smoke and they're like, oh my God, the house is going to die.
:And so, but yeah, when you start exposing what the true fear like okay, let's talk about what are you scared of here? Are you scared that I'm not gonna pay the bills? What's that fear rooted in Like? You start getting deeper into these fears and you learn. You learn very quickly. These are not even your own fears.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:Because you're programmed to think about these things these ways. This is look. Humans only respond in so many different ways, I agree. And so once you can start picking apart these things and you realize stress causes this, stress causes this, then you start packing the stress on top of each other, All of these things that we're scared of.
:Yeah.
:Then we learn that's not even what the fuck I want, Because you're starting to break down. What am I scared of? So you keep this bullshit alive? Yeah, Because you're scared. Oh, I gotta go do this, I gotta go do this, because that's what everybody, that's what you should do, Right? That's the primitive thought, that's the thought of the group.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the thing is. I think my value system is really centered upon pulling the weight.
:Right.
Speaker 2:And that's to me, that's fair in its most bare bones form. But I do agree that, because of the day of age we live in, those other elements are considered right. The other variables are there and, granted, fortunately right now we haven't had to have that full on because we don't have kids, we don't have the other stuff that's outside of what we have right now. So it's real modest. It's more doable than not, but still at some point right, the plan has to come to fruition.
:Right.
Speaker 2:And so I just personally my scarcity, part of that or not my scarcity, the fear I have in that is, somebody who gets easily overwhelmed is just completely covered in being overwhelmed, Right, and that becomes her new stress.
:Well, yeah, so overwhelmed being overwhelmed. All that is overload. It's just too much. 100% Right, and so the best thing to do in anything overwhelming if you're trying to help deal with somebody that's overwhelmed is to pick a singular focus and stay on that. How dare you? Right, because you've got to make the problem bite-size. The overwhelming part of it is it's a full plate.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And that doesn't mean that the full plate isn't there. But not all things have to be Well.
Speaker 2:I want to challenge you on one thing let's say, because words matter. Bite-size maybe, if it's applicable, but one bite at a time.
:Right.
Speaker 2:It's something larger than bite-size.
:And it more times. Semantics. Well, no, it's not semantics, it's really not One bite at a time. That's what I mean.
Speaker 2:Because maybe some of us minimize things that shouldn't be minimized Right or take it less serious than we should. But also think about like this If the thing that I'm dealing with all the sudden becomes not many-sized and it's actually something I have to work away at, I might just be like you know what I'm not even going to deal with this I'm going to still tell you.
:It's still.
Speaker 2:There you go.
:Look, all problems are the same size when they amass together only they become larger. Maybe All problems individually are the same size. They're just a problem.
Speaker 2:OK, let's think about this.
:Now how you perceive that problem is definitely different. But they're all the same size, and it's when you have compounding problems that it seems larger than what it actually is.
:That's the bigger problem is compounding problems.
Speaker 2:yeah, Right.
:So it's not really that it's a large problem. It's a lot of small fucking problems that are undelt with, which then becomes a bigger plate. But then you singularly focus, knock one thing out first and then move on to the next thing. That's all you can do, because if you try to solve it all at once, you will never solve it all at once, I agree.
Speaker 2:I agree with that.
:And so it doesn't matter if you're failing.
Speaker 2:No, and I'm not suggesting.
:You still got to keep working on knocking that list out, because you know what keeps putting you there.
Speaker 2:I'm not suggesting that you try to knock out all problems at once. I'm suggesting only that sometimes the burger's bigger than the other one and you got to take a little bit more time. If that makes you feel better. It does. It does make me feel better.
:Why? So you can feel better about not solving some problems in others?
Speaker 2:No, not at all. No, it's actually kind of intuitive to what I'm saying. No, so if I've got a T-bone bro or a poor house.
:What's the value in them being different sizes?
Speaker 2:It's not understanding that they're going to be different sizes, sometimes Right and not. Again. Again, this is from a societal standpoint. Just think about this. Societally OK, it's encouraged.
:I agree. No, I'm agreeing with what you're saying. Now, I agree with what you're saying. So you're speaking for the common man. That's what I'm speaking for, right, ok?
Speaker 2:And in some regards I am the common man Of course, but what I mean is the generalization of society.
Speaker 2:Well, sure, and I guess let's call this layman's terms, because you're always up in the sky and stuff. Let me come back down. Come to me for a second, bro. So what you see is from a 30,000 foot view, is this miniscule thing Bro down here in my face? It's a lot bigger than many size. You understand what I'm saying. So the only reason I acknowledge that I bring you in light to that is that, realistically, we're looking at something that, in the grand scheme of things, is a miniature thing.
:You're putting more stress on yourself by thinking of it that way. Maybe I am OK, maybe that's all I'm going to say. Maybe I have to make more cuts to get the state more bite size. I might, you will, I might, and here's the thing that you will, because now you're aware of it. But see, here's the thing I also get more. You reap the seeds yourself.
Speaker 2:I also get more repetitions in by cutting more pieces of meat, Even though it's the same size steak. I don't care.
:You eventually get better at it.
Speaker 2:Smaller bites as we age, bro. Things become harder to digest and process as we age. Right. Can't teach an old dog new tricks.
:Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2:It's the same trick, though you can teach.
:Oh, are you literally talking about the physical body? I'm talking about the physical body. Think about how these patterns repeat in life. That's why I'm not saying shit. I agree with you.
Speaker 2:But I'm writing this on my part, on my commonality standpoint.
:Well, I'm going to tell you from the way that you view it. You're not wrong. There absolutely are things that require more attention immediately. There are things that need to be dealt with promptly as opposed to.
Speaker 2:I'm not even saying that. Well, I'm not even saying that.
:OK, so like OKs. So, like what I'm saying is, is that Needing to do a minor car repair versus putting a new roof on your house.
Speaker 2:No, not even saying that.
:Those would be clear different size problems. I'm not even comparing problems Because the square footage.
Speaker 2:What I'm comparing is this misconception of what a problem actually looks like In our day and age. When you tell somebody that a problem they're going through is the same size as the problem you're going through, their natural reaction oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't OK. That's interesting. It's to fight back and say, no, it's not OK.
:I'm not saying comparatively, you to me the problems are the same size. Well, and then even saying is comparative to one's own life. Every problem that they face is going to be the same size. Their view of it may definitely be different, but every problem that they face is always going to be the same size. Yeah, their view of it is what makes it large or small, and that's important OK. I'll tell you why it's important.
Speaker 2:It's not important in the grand scheme, it's not important in the big thing here. What's important is is that sometimes that discernment will keep them from solving the problem or not? It gets them defensive too, right, because oh my god, this thing's so big on my plate, bro, you can still cut that down in small pieces and process it one by one at a time.
:When somebody says, oh, it's so big on my plate, I'm like, yeah, tell me about it, how big of it Like anything is yeah, I know what you're doing. Here's the thing is, once they say these things out loud, they're like damn, it doesn't even seem like that big a deal. As I say it all out, Don't take all the fire, bro.
Speaker 2:Don't take all the fire, damn. Look, you've got to leave people wanting.
:Yeah, the thing is I'm not trying to sell anybody anything. I don't want them wanting.
Speaker 2:Maybe you're not.
:I want people to leave fulfilled.
Speaker 2:What you want for people is not relevant. They want for themselves.
:That's fair, yeah, and I want people to feel fulfilled. I want them to feel fulfilled.
Speaker 2:I think I agree with that too. I think everybody in essence does want the best for people. Here's what I'm going to say. I just don't know how to do that.
:I believe that everyone can be fulfilled. Yeah, it's true belief that everyone can be, no matter how dark, demented or how far you think something is was, I don't care, I don't buy into that, I have to live knowing that everybody has an opportunity, because if I say that they don't, I'm offering judgment and I'm shutting someone else off from applicable from me. Correct, and so that's why any of these things that people view themselves as separate. You know, we were talking about this large being somewhere, but we see ourselves small like me going to Pike's Peak.
:Thing is individually maybe. Maybe we are just at size, small, but we're all the same size.
Speaker 2:Correct.
:We all take up the same space spiritually. We all take up like we're all connected and the thing is, seeing us separate is why we are weak. Seeing us all together is what gives us strength.
Speaker 2:OK. So I don't know where I'm at with that yet, because we over we give more value to group than we do individual. But here's what I'll ask you. In a jigsaw puzzle box you have 1,000 pieces. Typical curiosity is is every piece the same size? It's not the same shape, obviously.
:I mean, there may be some variance in actual mass too.
Speaker 2:So I do.
:But with one missing it's not a full puzzle.
Speaker 2:Correct Now. I agree with that. I agree the idea of what each piece brings to one another as a full thing. I agree with that, I understand. But the thing is is I personally can't? I guess in some cases I can, but in general, in a general sense, the bigger picture doesn't get me to the end of the road that I'm on. What does is how can I get to the bigger picture? The best way, the?
:end of your road leads you to the bigger picture. Maybe, it does.
Speaker 2:If you make it no, no, it does.
:Always, it always will, because you'll have another road to take. And what makes up a big picture? A bunch of fucking roads. Are you talking about a map? It's a big fucking picture, isn't it what the thing is, if you're out and you're looking at an individual thing and you're on a path, yeah, the path ends and you're gonna take a different path.
:Yeah.
:Every decision you make determines that, right. And so if you're looking and you know how to navigate a map, a larger picture, yeah, and makes those little fucking small things right in front of you the same fucking size, yeah, so that every decision you make you realize it's not the beginning or the end, it's a continuation Right, okay, okay, cool, and there's also value in the scaling of that.
Speaker 2:The scaling and this is kind of what I was talking about with the pieces of the problem right, it's the scaling. There are so many people nowadays that take so literally. They really legitimately think that if they look at a map, they can make four steps in being fucking Germany. Right, and maybe not that crazy extreme.
:I understand what you're saying now, but the scaling matters right, and the scaling matters because that's your perception.
Speaker 2:You're setting an expectation right, you're convincing yourself that oh hell yeah, I can do that. And that applies to anything, right? Oh, I can do that shit, Bro. One of the leading.
:That gives you a shot, though. That gives you a fucking chance, bro. I agree, I agree.
Speaker 2:Until you put boots on the ground and realize that Well, putting boots on the ground might eliminate your chance.
:Maybe, the thing is, you have a chance. In that belief there is a chance, I agree. I agree. Now, but here's the big difference, bro.
Speaker 2:Think about that. That is a potential issue when I do agree with the tongue-in-cheek of it. I do agree with it, but the problem is that once people put to action, that's when they find the most discouragement right. Well, maybe it's because they're not used to putting action. I agree with that. Or it's something new, or that'll help them.
:Yeah like action.
Speaker 2:It's a courage. It's definitely a courage thing because of the lack of confidence At least that's what they tell themselves there's no way I can fucking do that. Like you said, in the past few weeks there's been a couple things highlighting that man, it's just that simple, it's just that easy. May fucking. First, bro, my first cook was that it was such a nightmare to prepare for. It was such a nightmare and I knew there was no fucking way I was going to be able to do it. But when I did it, it was way easier than I thought it was going to be, and that's the thing I think is a very toxic thought process. This specific thing highlights why I have such a hard time focusing on the out here and the great beyond Because I get so far removed from the action.
Speaker 2:part of it.
:Yeah, so yeah, I guess that's a fair assessment. Right, because the application is different. 100% Right. And so the way I'm coming about these things is I've wandered a map with no view of a map. I've spent my whole life wandering a map with no view of the map, learning how to start fires making it metaphorical, if you will Sure, learning how to do all these things and all of a sudden I learned that there's a fucking map.
Speaker 2:There's a fucking cheat code. What?
:They're like holy shit, there's a way to do these things, there's a way to get where I'm trying to go, and it's. The thing is, my perception of where I was trying to go was what was skewed. It's like because I was using like okay, well, during the daytime you use the sun to guide you, but all the while, during the night, you start to guide you right, but where's the consistency in that? Well, when you're exploring.
Speaker 2:It's different to have consistency when you're exploring. Well, the thing is, it's like it's the reliability.
:It's tough to have faith in right Because you keep ending up it looks like the same spot but like no it's different, but no, it's the same, but no, it's different. And then you again, then you understand that there's a map. You're like shit, I've been circling around the same damn thing. I just keep like, oh look, I just keep. Every time the sun's going down I'm turning left, and every time the moon's coming up and turning right like it's just like this whole circle, this whole circle that you keep walking.
:It's still a circle, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure.
:Then you realize that there's a map.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:And you realize that you've been walking in a circle, your whole fucking life in a circle, circle circle, you listen to these people, you do all these things and all this and that yeah. But none of that's actually what I'm trying to do. Yeah, because you try it and it's like no, yeah, but that's not what I'm trying to fucking do.
:I appreciate the advice and the help but that's not what the fuck I'm trying to do. Yeah, the problem is, you don't know what the fuck you're trying to do. Yeah, it's one of those things, man, but then again, then my faith, like my relationship with God.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let's me know.
:oh, I've already been doing it. Yeah, oh, these circles, this wasn't so much for me, as it was for all of us. Sure, the people that I interacted with were like yeah, I'm not trying to do this. The people that I interacted with were needed just as much as the people.
Speaker 2:Well, so call it for what it is. The circles is essentially you trying to run away or escape to the next point and he's like no, I need you to come back. Yeah, you didn't get it.
:Correct, you didn't get it, bro, correct? I believe that? Oh, I certainly. And so think about. So this is what I want to blow your mind with right now. So you're telling me that I zoom out? Right, you get the same effect by zooming in, because guess what, as you zoom in, you're far away from another picture and you keep zooming in, that picture gets closer and closer. This is a repetitious thing. Every single problem that we have is repeated. Every cycle that we go through is the same. Once we recognize that we are in that cycle. And the thing is, if you look at the universe, there's a cycle of the way the universe works.
:If you look at us as humans, even within our bodies. There's a cycle in the way these things work.
Speaker 2:You're seeing the machine parts.
:It's just a continuation, it's a continuous thing. You can fight against it or you can just surrender to it. The hardest part for me was letting go control, because I thought I knew best from walking in the circles, because I had survived.
Speaker 2:I made steps, I had survived in those circles.
:I trusted that I knew what the fuck I was doing, because I survived. But the goal was never to fucking survive. That was never the goal. That's suffering. You survive suffering. That's it. What was the goal To be fulfilled? To have a fulfilled life To be separate from the individual happenings of things to be a part of the whole thing.
:That mindset changed, that view changed. It's allowed me to have conversations with people that I've never even thought about having. That's surpassed anything that I could have imagined in regards to what I would be able to experience in the life that I have. Our imagination is only based upon the things we've heard and seen and felt, but then when you experience real shit, when you really experience things, nothing compares. I agree. There's nothing. Anybody can say there's nothing. A picture they can do there's nothing none of that can do.
:I'll say a song might be able to. That's probably the only thing.
Speaker 2:Only because it's a different perspective of the same thing, I think.
:It's an effecting because of the sound.
Speaker 2:There's a lot to do with the resonant sound. Of course it's marketing capitalism, I mean maybe. No, it is. Don't you tell me what it is?
:Look, man, we've talked for two hours. I probably have more to say, but I'm not going to go too much deeper. I guess I'll say this I think that from where I started in my life, the shit that I went through, all the circles that I walked through to get to the point where I'm at now, to where I can sit on them, I can speak confidently about the shit that I've went through, because I used to not be able to talk about the shit that I fucking went through.
:I know All right, and so there's something in understanding that there is a path, there's a map, there is a place to go and that the circles were to serve in life, beyond life, before life. It's a cycle. There's a cycle all the way through, and you are repetitiously living a cycle until you learn it in your physical life and I would believe honestly in your spiritual life as well, right Karmaically, if there is some sort of regenerative or reincarnation or anything like that figure. To view it, however you want to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
:But the thing is, this experience we're having in our physical body it's not any different than the experience that our physical body is having inside of it and I believe that wholeheartedly which means that we are part of the larger body of the universe. We're like white blood cells, bro. No cap, that's stupid. Anyways, man, do you got anything that you want to say? You want to close out on?
Speaker 2:I mean, I guess really the focal point for me is the things that we discuss are either, I mean, they contribute heavily or lightly, but they still contribute no less to where we are mentally, where we are in our lives, and the reality is like rest assured that this we live within a great opportunity, but I believe that it really sucks for a lot of people right now, and I think the objective is to change the frame of mind, to change the outlook, the perspective on where you actually are right now, and that applies to me too. Like we change that perspective, I will tell you that some critical things that are helpful is until you can really, I think, contribute to a larger picture, at least in your capability or scope or your purview. Work on the things that you can control. First and foremost, you can only control what you can. So, give more than take, love more than expecting to be loved, because it comes back to you, it does regardless. You feel good when you love someone else.
:You feel the best, that should feel amazing bro.
Speaker 2:It does, especially if you're helpful in any way that they need. And so if you're able and you're capable and willing, you should be willing. Do it, just do that. That's square one stuff. The other thing is tap into who you are. Like right, you're not who you are. You may not be the greatest version of yourself right now. Just accept that, because without accepting you can't progress, you can't go forward. Understand that other people around you are dealing with the same things you are. It just looks a little differently sometimes. They're on different parts of the map, if you will, but they're still walking and they're still struggling. And as long as we can understand that, I think the former concepts of what I just mentioned about loving other people more than expecting to be loved I think that has become easier more digestible.
:You have to learn who you truly are.
Speaker 2:I agree, and then in that you can show not even try, but you will exude this presence and people will see that it's possible. Maybe that's all you need, and we've talked about this before too, man, it's like sometimes the way we operate with people is like the only version of what people call God or Jesus or whatever. We may be the first and last version of what they see, and so it's important to show up with love and to show up with intent. It looks and that's counterintuitive of what I've really been taught but don't look so much at the bigger picture right now. If that's not where you are, don't be there.
:There's no point looking at the bigger picture.
:Look other than navigation there's no point looking at the bigger picture Other than that be there. It's a checkpoint, Fucking be there.
:Just fucking be there. If you feel lost, look at the big picture. Other than that, be there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree.
:Right, because the only way a map is valuable, a larger picture is valuable, is if you need guidance, yeah, checkpoint.
Speaker 2:If you need to go north, you'll want to find out. You go north and then start going north.
:Yeah, put the map the fuck away, Right so to add one thing on top of what you said, and this is just my little sauce, my little nacho cheese is the best version of you is already in you. It already exists. You don't have to go seeking outside. It's already in there, you're gonna tap into it.
:You really just have to knock all the dust, the bullshit away and uncover that person, Because that person is in there. I promise you and every person that I've helped through shit, that person's always been there and that's who I've tried to talk to. Problem is, I'm learning that you have to talk to who's there. Right then, Absolutely. To uncover who's there.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
:Thing is all of you, all of you that listen to this, there's somebody in there that's a better version of you that even you can't imagine. That it is in there Beyond your wildest dreams of anything you could ever imagine. It already lives in you. It's already there and you're covering it up. We just need to uncover it.
:Yeah.
:You know conversations being real, vulnerable and honest with people that care about you. That's how you figure it out by caring about them when they come to you with their things as well, because if they can come to you with their things, you can come to them with your things. Yeah, that's why you need a group, that's why you need a community, that's why you need people around you that give a fuck about you. That's why we seek these groups, these clubs, because you don't have to even consider yourself bad because you are part of something like that or have been part of something like that. The reason why is because it's not your fault. You're seeking something that you feel like you're lacking, but I'm here to tell you it's there, it's already there and you can give that to other people so that they don't have to seek those things that you think are heinous or problematic. You give them something worthwhile and they will stay, yep.
Speaker 2:Agreed.
:That's it, guys. I love you guys, I really do. Also, don't forget to check out my Facebook show. I do like live streams, like every day almost. I want to speak the goodness in the people and also sometimes the bullshit. But I just want to say I do appreciate you guys for sticking around. Even if this is the first one that you've heard, I do want to say that I appreciate you giving me a chance to speak with you and I appreciate the fact that you let me hold this spot in your life. I really do. And then also I want to give a shout out to Sons of a Center, the band Till I Disappear.
:If you have not checked out that song, they're fucking on Spotify. You've got to check out that song. It's a great fucking country song from a band that's not very well known, that speaks very deeply and I don't know much about the band or anything like that, but it's a fantastic song. And then also to shout out to James if he plugs it himself, cool, do it again anyways, but Percy's BBQcom To get your rubs. I'm going to tell you Like I'm going to say I got to get this motherfucker some recipes that I've done with this stuff.
:I'm telling you the fucking pasture blend. If you want to make the perfect chicken fried steak, you put you some fucking Percy's pasture blend and some powder and some fucking white flour and you batter that shit up with it. I'm telling you, you don't need anything else. You do your egg wash and the flour, put it in the egg wash too. It's got the perfect amount of spice, the perfect amount of salt. It's fucking spectacular. And then also I was making some mushroom dippers with it. But anyways, I only speak highly of this stuff because he knows how I feel about all of this stuff.
:The pasture blend is my absolute favorite. Now, a lot of people prefer the other one. A lot of people not saying more, but a lot of people prefer the other one, and that's the farmhouse blend Farmhouse and barnyard blend.
:And barnyard blend. Okay, the farmhouse is all purpose, barnyard is the poultry chicken. Yep, I want to tell you it has a delicious flavor, but I don't really like sweet things and it has a little bit of sweetness on the backside of it and that's the only reason I like it. But it is fucking spectacular from other people's reviews. I'm not going to give you no bullshit review. I'm just going to drown myself in whiskey and I'm on the pain, shout out again to Sons of the Center.
:Yeah, all right, guys. So I love you guys. Don't forget to check out Percy's Barbecuecom. Follow him on Instagram at Percy's Barbecue. Oh, still the same Facebook same thing, yeah, all right cool.
:Follow him in all those places. Guys, look the shit's fantastic. Okay, that's all I got to tell you. And if you get a chance, if you get a chance to have this, full, cook you some fucking barbecue, don't miss it, because it's good. I'm still better, but All right, guys, I love you. Guys, have a fantastic rest of whatever it is that you're having later.